Thursday, January 31, 2008

Welcome back lover

Oh doggy. We're in the midst of a mini-blizzard, I have a full bottle of wine and the season premier of Lost is on. It's gonna be a lovely evening. I don't get hooked on too many shows these days because I just don't have time to keep up but Lost, I'm here till the end, okay? I love you, Lost. Really. I mean it.

That being said, I will not be taking calls between 7:50 and 10:15 (I'm talking to you Jan) so don't bother. I watched the repeat of last seasons finale last night and it made me all giddy with excitement for it to come back. I hope they don't suck it down the drain by crapping it all up. It was good, then it was kinda okay, then it was boring, then it was good again and then it got REALLY good so where are we going from here? Make me proud Lost.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

It's fishies. That's totally different.

Holy Sanjaya it's windy out there today. Hang on to your brains.

Well, we are mailing our paperwork tomorrow. FOR REAL. We got back our medical papers and Jeff's bringing home a big ol' yellow mailing envelope for it all. I'm thinking we can expect a call within a week or two from our social worker to set up our home study schedule. Yowza! It's weird because it's been such a looooooong process to get to this point and now we're like "HOLY CRAP WE'RE GONNA PARENT SOMETHING!" We go back and forth from terror to excitement pretty regularly, which I'm told from my friends with kids, will continue to happen henceforth. Wonderful!
Now that our plans are actually moving in a forward progression, I've been faux-shopping for the nursery. I'm not into that cutesy crap like ducks and bunnies but I can't afford the pretentiously overpriced "modern nursery bedding" (um yeah, $350 for crib sheets. Who does that?) so I'm trying to find a happy medium. I found this set at Target. So far, I like it a lot.

It's still pretty cutesy but I think I can work with it. Punk it up a bit. I know, I know, I'm getting ahead of myself but it's fun so get off my back.

Monday, January 28, 2008

I'm a master at time wasting

I just sat here for the past 20 minutes composing a well-thought out entry on whether we should move to the suburbs or stay in the city after we have a kid. I had some arguments for both sides and came to the conclusion that Jeff and I are lame and it doesn't really matter where we live because we don't really do anything anyway. The worst part is that I'm never gonna get that 20 minutes back.

Instead, here's a picture of a mole rat:

If you look closely, it has something in its teefs.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Mentos....the freshmaker! Oh wait, I mean mentor.

Oh bloggery, bloggery, blog. I haven't had much to blog about lately so I've been absent. Sorry. We went and got our official adoption physicals yesterday. Yay, kinda. I got a TB test and as a child I don't recall them digging around your forearm, with a needle but that's the way they do it now. It hurts. Then I had to get blood drawn and I have bad veins and I tried to explain this to the lady and I was like "you probably want to use my right arm because my left arm veins are bad." She got all huffy about and was like "I KNOW HOW TO DO IT. I CAN GET THE VEIN!", which is kinda ridiculous because I was trying to help her out, but she went in the left one anyway and after 2 painful minutes of her digging around trying to get a vein she goes "This arm's bad." No shit, huh? I guess I should have TOLD YOU THAT. Now I have two bruises.

I know that earlier I PROMISED I would have the paperwork out the door today but I lied. We have to wait for our blood test results to come back, which should be next week, and THEN it's going out. Totally. It didn't dawn on me that we would have to wait. Duh. I thought about sending in some of it but then that's silly because they need it all anyway so why do it in pieces but who knows, I might get a bug up my butt and just get the stuff I have ready in the mail. I am a mystery.

I did have a cool thing happen yesterday at school. If you recall from some of my earlier posts, I was in a campus PR group last semester. I resisted going back because I didn't need the credits and I wanted to leave some free time to do cakes, but I found out yesterday that I can take the class as a mentor AND I get paid AND I get the use of my own personal Macbook Pro. The laptop and the $8.95/hr to "mentor" students that are only a semester behind me was just too good to pass up. What the hell am I supposed to mentor them about? Who knows. This'll be a good trial run for me since I'll need to buy a laptop soon and I'm torn between spending way too much on a Mac that looks really cool but doesn't have as much on it or a Dell that still looks kinda cool but not AS cool but has way more memory and all that other crap. I hear stuck-up designers say "oh, I only buy Mac's because I just love good design", which sorta makes you feel like if you are also a designer and you opt for something more practical, like a Dell, that you are somehow a suckier designer and clearly have no knowledge or concept of what's cool and hip. I stopped being cool and hip a few years ago and now I chase kids off my lawn with my cane. It's going to be like an experiment. SCIENCE!

Have a sooper dooper weekend. I'm going to high tea on Sunday for a baby shower and I'm going to wear my lady clothes. And gloves. And maybe a jaunty hat. Okay, maybe not the hat but totally still the gloves.


Wednesday, January 23, 2008

It just makes me want to SCREAM

Um, I need to climb up on my soapbox for one teeny little sec so bear with me. I was browsing the internets today and found out that Fred Phelps has decided to involve himself with the funeral of Heath Ledger. In case you aren't familiar, Fred Phelps runs some redneck backward church (I won't even give him the benefit of naming it) in Topeka that, from what I understand, consists of about 6 clearly misguided fools, all or most of whom are related to him. Well, Fred and his minions are the same asshats that picket funerals of slain soldiers because we allow gay people in the military. Yeah, it's that guy. It's the guy who will shout horrendous things at the funeral of someone who, regardless of their lifestyle, put their life on the line to keep his ass safe. Well, Fred is going to Australia to picket Heath's funeral because of his role in "Brokeback Mountain". I will spare you the majority of what he said but it boiled down to "God hates fags" and "Heath Ledger is in hell now for being a fag-lover". I really cannot verbalize how much hatred I have for this man. Seriously, I am shaking with anger just typing this. I am certainly not the most religious girl on the block but I would have to think that the majority of those who are believers don't agree with this piece of shit. I really hope anyway. I am happy and privileged to live in a country where we are free to practice whatever beliefs we hold, but I just can not wrap my brain around how someone can be filled with such hateful bile as to do such things. I seriously doubt that if Jesus came here right now he'd be all "Oh Fred, you're so awesome. Welcome to heaven!" The Jesus I know would look at him and shake his head in sadness that someone this evil uses HIS name to spread his toxic breed of hate. Isn't it all supposed to be about kindness, and charity and love thy neighbor and all that stuff? It seems now that it's more about hating those who are different, which seems very hypocritical of me since I clearly hate this man BUT, in my defense, I don't hate him for what he believes in. I hate him for taking those beliefs and using them and God as justification to harm, harass and verbally accost other people. Can you imagine how it would feel to be at the funeral of a loved one and have this man shouting through a megaphone that they're going to hell? There are some sick f-er's in this world using God in the worst way possible and Fred Phelps leads the charge. I'll take Tom Cruise and his freaky Scientologists over this nutbag any day. They seem easier to distract. I just hope that when they get there, the people of Australia show him that they don't take this kind of crap sitting down and shut him up.

Okay. *steps off soapbox* I'm done. Thank you for your time.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I don't look good in prints

Yee haw! Jeff and I got fingerprinted tonight! I know that's not normally an exciting event since it's usually paired with a mugshot and smeared eyeliner, but ours was fun. Well, not really fun but it is a big step in our process. Fun would be me sitting here eating an entire can of Pringles and not caring. That's fun. I'm just saying. Anyway, we were kind of disappointed because we both thought we would leave with inky fingers but it's all digital now and you just put your finger on this little thing that looks like a miniature xerox machine and your prints come up on a laptop. They download them, give you a little receipt, send them off for processing and bam, Bob's your uncle. We were initially told that it would take 3 weeks but this guy said they would have the results in one week so we are putting it in high gear. Jeff has been diligently finishing up his end of the paperwork tonight so we should have it mailed by Friday. I've said that every week for a few weeks now but this time, I mean it. No really, I totally am going to have it in the mail by Friday. Now that I've said it TWICE in a row, it's totally gonna happen. Really.

I hope they have lots of Purell in that house

I'm a day late with my "Rock of Love" recap so I apologize. Here's what happened:

-The date challenge this week was supposed to be a talent show (yikes) so the "ladies" spent their time perfecting their, um, skills? When they got to the challenge, they found out that it was a peep show! Most of them freaked out except for Angelique because she's a skank and this is right up her alley. The whole peep show thing was totally retarded and they either did something boring like reading a poem or kung-fu or they just pressed their boobies against the glass. Such class. Ambre (or Hombre, as Jeff calls her), Daisy and Destiney won the challenge and they all went 4-wheeling. What the hell? Is this trailer-park Rock of Love? Daisy is just hard to look at. She is your typical LA chick, too blond, too tan, too skinny but the disturbing thing is that she's had so much work done on her face that her eyes are REALLY far apart. See?

(The picture is from VH1's site for full disclosure) It isn't the best angle but all the other pictures had her naked or something. She is just not pleasant to look at. Look at those lips for chrissakes! Anyway, they had a great time, blah, blah, blah and the other girls were waiting back at the house for Bret in their underwear.

-Inna found out that Sara is there on a dare and spent the whole time scheming to make sure Bret knows this. She tells Aubrey who in turn tells Bret who I guess is pissed. Blah, Blah, Blah, they all get drunk, VIP girls go to bed, Bret's mad and parties with the other girls and then he tells them to tell the VIP girls that they are having an old school dance-off the next day.

- Inna and Angelique organize the dance-off and Daisy, Courtney and someone else won the dance off. Seriously, am I THAT old or is it weird to everyone else that they didn't how to do the worm or the running man? I mean, come on! The winners got VIP passes so they can bust in on any chick having alone time with Bret.

-At the elimination, Bret called Sara out and asked her if she was there on a dare and she said no, that her words were taken out of context. How can you take "I'm here on a dare" out of context? Oh well. She got the boot right away, along with Korie, Nikki and someone else I can't remember. I already erased this episode from my Tivo so I'm going on memory. Everyone is still shocked that Angelique is still there since she looks like she was born a man, but she's a bonafide porn star so OF COURSE she's staying. She's also the first one to whip out the girls in any competition.

Supposedly next week something happens with Kristy Joe, who I think is really pretty but she is a pill and needs to go home. How can she be so disgusted by the skanks on this show when you're right there along with them?? Why is she there? Did she think it's Rock of Love with Michael Buble or something? She and Ambre will probably go next week.

That's it. That's all I can remember. It's probably in the wrong order of events but if that's such a big deal then watch it yourself.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Maybe I'll just get one little thing, like a crib!

I wanted to throw out a little adoption update for those of you following along. We are scheduled to get fingerprinted and medically poked and prodded this week, so our paperwork will shortly be on its way to Kansas City. We are hoping that everything will go smoothly and we will have our first home study visit around the end of Feb/early March. It was really exciting for me on Saturday because I had something to say when people were like "So, what's new with you?" and I was like "oh, Jeff and I are adopting a baby from Korea." That's a pretty good conversation starter. The fact that we both talked about it quite a bit (ed. note - sorry if we are overly-talky with baby stuff, but we're excited) carried over to Sunday where I found myself browsing nursery furniture online. I also started a baby-name list. We have a name that we both like but I'm not ready to say FOR SURE what it is and I kinda want to meet him first before I thrust a name on him, so I made a list last night and Jeff's response to 99% of them went something along the lines of "NO WAY!", or "He isn't French", or "Is that even a name?" or "Do you WANT him to get beat up at school?" You see that this is a difficult process. I am leery of coming forth to everyone with the names because everyone has an opinion (usually bad) or else it's a name someone else wanted and then they get all pissed off (see "Sex and the City" episode when Charlotte learns her friend took "her" name; it isn't pretty). So, that makes it even harder and my affection for weirdo names makes everyone very nervous as it is.
Anyway, I got a little anxious that we need to get furniture and names and doctors and EVERYTHING and then Jeff was like "um yeah, we have like 10 more months AT LEAST to wait. Simmer down." BOO! You see, the suckiest part of this is that you have to WAIT FOREVER. It takes about the same amount of time to adopt a baby as it does to gestate an elephant*, which isn't fun and I am not a patient woman. I attempt patience but I usually fail and end up getting all antsy and gripey. BUT, we are making forward progress so that's about all I can ask for now and I'm sure that things will start to happen and then I'll be like WAIT, I'M NOT READY!!!! so there really is no pleasing me.

* this has no basis in fact. I didn't even bother to google it but it sounds like it could be true, right? I mean, elephants are BIG and it probably takes a while to get it all ready to come out so it's probably at least CLOSE to being true. Yeah, probably not.

I have a dream....that I'll be off school.

First off, I would like to thank Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for giving me an unexpected day off school. I had no idea until I was leaving campus on Friday that I didn't have school today. I should try to pay attention. God bless you, sir.

We had a pretty busy weekend. Jeff worked pretty much the ENTIRE weekend, which sucked extra hard since he was gone all last weekend and has had zero down time. Saturday night was my friend T-Rav's 30th birthday and we had a funktastic time. We went to this mexican place in Illinois (or Illi-NOIZE, as we like to call it here) for dinner and then to a bar near home afterward. Since it's well documented that I suck at documenting anything, you can go to my friend Gwen's blog at if you want to see pictures. She had her camera and I trust she will probably post some of the pictures.
I bought T-Rav this book:

It has these fantastic pictures of Liberace in various outfits and he tells you how to incorporate say, a gold lame suit or your personal monkey into your daily life. Liberace is very wise and can clearly rock both a spangly western look AND conservative argyle. You go, Liberace.

I also got a request to do a birthday cake for my friend RS and I'm excited to get to design a cake for someone other than me or Jeff. I'm also doing a birthday cake for Liz's daughter and both cakes are for March birthdays so I'll be busy! Jeff has decided that he also wants a fancy birthday cake for his April birthday. AND I'm possibly doing a baby shower cake for my neighbor. Of course, all of this paralyzes me with fear but I'm trying to get past that. I'm going to be testing out a few new cake recipes so if anyone is interested in being my taste-tester, please let me know. I've eaten cake off the floor so I'm probably a bad judge.

UPDATE: A few things I forgot to mention:

-to Gwen, I'm SO SORRY we left without saying goodbye to you Saturday. It was crowded and we kept getting held up and when we left I realized I didn't say bye. Not cool.

-to Melissa, I ALSO negliected to stop and show your husband my nose piercing. Again, we kept getting held up and I was distracted. That is not unusual. I still think you should ABSOLUTELY get your nose pierced because it will look darling on you.

Friday, January 18, 2008

It's FabuLESS

I just returned from running my errands. "Running errands" sounds so grown-up, doesn't it? (That sounds weird to everyone but a few people so disregard.) I went to Target first to buy a new scale so I can continue my path of self-loathing. Now, I will totally admit that I used to be a "sometimes" Target shopper and a "most of the time" walmart shopper, primarily because it's usually cheaper and I'm cheap these days, but I've grown tired of the trashiness of my walmart. When I was a kid my grandparents lived in the country and the only store around was a walmart so I grew up going there. They even carried the "Frankie Says Relax" shirts in various neon colors so I was FINE with going there. Then they built a SUPER walmart and it was very nice and clean and the people were nice and I was content to give them my money. However, since my granny isn't with me anymore, I don't go to that walmart, I go to the walmart near my house, which is just awful. It's pretty new and SHOULD be nice and friendly but it's a broke-ass mess and the employees couldn't possibly care LESS about you and they just leave stacks of stuff in the aisles and you can't get around and the checkers are beyond slow and I could go on. I went there over Christmas and when I literally couldn't get my cart through the aisles and then had to wait in line for 20 minutes because the checker/shopper combo in front of me was laughably slow and no one seemed interested in speeding up the process, I decided that I was done with it. Of course, I'm still cheap so I've had to run in a couple of times but it's been short and I haven't bought much. I decided that I would try to go to Target only, even though I have to pay a smidge more, so that I can have a pleasant shopping experience. Well, my new boyfriend Target and I were getting along great until today. I was leaving the store with my hateful new scale and I happened to glance over into the "Target Cafe" as I walked by. First off, Target, you are no Auntie Anne's, so quit with the overpriced "gourmet pretzels". They taste like bread I found in my yard that the birds wouldn't even eat. Anyway, as I glanced into the cafe, I saw that Target saw fit to install a GIANT GLOWING BLUE BUG ZAPPPER right there on the wall. Granted, the doors are nearby but really, in the cafe, and how did I not see this before? There was a woman sitting about 2 feet below it eating her disgusting pretzel and all I could think of was the snowshower of dead gnats that could be falling on her. Eww. Target, I'm trying to love you so help me out here. Put the zapper somewhere where it isn't associated with lunch, mmkay?

After that I went into "the loop", which, for those readers not from here (oh hell, they're aren't any, right?), is an area filled with pretentious hipsters and people that wish they were as cool as they think they are, along with some shops, restaurants, bars, etc. I wanted to finally get my nose piercing fixed because I'm sick of the silver dangler that keeps poking out so I went to the tattoo parlor and this very nice young man took it out and bent it so it would lay better and only charged me $8 to do so. So far so good, but if it comes out again I'll have to buy something new to shove in there. The good part is that it's totally healed and I felt nothing when he took it out and put it back in. I was thisclose to buying a wee-tiny little hoop to replace the stud but I was afraid I would look like a tribesman and then I'd have to get a matching lip plate and those don't seem very flattering. I'm still intrigued by it, though and you never know with me. The best part is that it's cold out so my nose is runny and I kept apologizing to the piercer guy and he was like "hey, don't worry about it, I don't see any chunks so it's fine." I almost peed myself.

Now I gotta cut loose, FOOTLOOSE!

Well, Jeff and his magic can of air has somehow managed to get the furnace running yet again. It went out AGAIN yesterday at about 2 and by the time he got home at 5:30, it was super cold in here. Of course this happens now when there is a massive cold front swooshing in and not 2 weeks ago when it was 65 and sunny. MAN IS IT COLD! Gear up ladies, this is the kind of cold that can break your nipple right off. I am hoping that whatever kind of black magic Jeff is performing in the basement to keep this thing chugging along continues because I'm tired of having a runny nose 24/7. It isn't very ladylike. Not that I should be concerned of that since hardly anything I do is ladylike, but still.

I think I hit a new record at school today. My 3hr20 minutes class lasted 8 MINUTES today. We were informed that the college is keeping enrollment open until next week so they requested that the instructors not give out massive projects yet. Thanks school, but I'm kinda itchin' to do SOMETHING so get it together. I did get my first graphic design project yesterday and it's designing a theater poster. We got a list of show options but I went off the board and requested "Cabaret", which is my favorite production. I'm still working out some ideas but I think this'll be a good one. Or a giant pile of crap, but we'll see how that goes.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow because we're going out for my friend T-Rav's 30th birthday. I'm usually the baby of the group since most of my friends are 5+ yrs. older than me so bless her sweet little heart for being younger. We shall dine on mexican food (sorry, weight watchers) and dance to some funk and a good time will be had by all and HENCEFORTH SO IT SHALL BE.

Have an awesome weekend and try to keep your nipples on.

*the title has NOTHING to do with my post but I'm listening to the 80's on 8 and it just came on so I thought I'd share.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Uh oh

Um, it's getting cold in here again. The furnace has not kicked on in a loooong time. This is not good. Sweet Jeebus I hope we don't have to buy a new furnace. If you see a walking ice cube carrying a black patent leather tote, it's probably me.

Oh Fug Me

There have been two occasions in my life that I've emailed a somewhat famous (okay, famous to me anyway) person(s) and they've responded. The first was a few years ago when I was struggling with my decision to continue a VERY small interior painting/design business (it tanked). I was kinda disenchanted and was flipping through the channels and landed on an episode of Debbie Travis' "The Painted House", which I had seen a bajillion times and was the reason I started painting in the first place, and was struck by this adorable bedroom she did that was all orange and pink and yellow and it made me excited again. I wanted to thank her for inspiring me and MAYBE I had been drinking some wine and so I emailed her this gushy letter thanking her for helping me push forward. I had forgotten about it and a few days later she sent me a lovely email telling me to hold on to my dreams because she started very small and look how she turned out! It was so nice and was probably written by her assistant or something but I was still so touched.

Well, today, while perusing, which I read daily and love, one of the "fug girls" mentioned something about the soap opera Passions and how she was sad it was over and I was like "Wait fug girl! Direct TV bought Passions from NBC and plays new episodes!" For some reason I felt compelled to email her/them and let them know. I sent a very short email and about 5 minutes later, I GOT A RESPONSE! The one that emailed me, Jessica, thanked me for looking out for her and it was nice. Then I sent one back telling her that they recently filmed Passions as a really cheesetacularMexican telenova and just when I didn't think the show could get any more ridiculous, IT DID! They all looked like Casa Gallardo employees circa 1993 and it was just awful. Well, I got another email back informing me that she not only HAS DirectTV but that she also gets soap magazines so she is aware, and that Direct TV is ALSO cancelling Passions now for a second time. I did not know this. It wasn't really a mad email or anything but I just got the feeling that she didn't want to deal with me anymore so I just left it and now I feel like a ginormous dork and I shouldn't have emailed her back because she is I'm sure, very busy. It isn't like I will ever meet her or anything but I still feel stupid. I'm not emailing famous people (or slightly famous to a certain group of people) or "famous bloggers" anymore. Let this be a lesson!

I need a Sven

I've been lapse in posting because I really haven't had much to say and I don't like to bore you with the banality that is my daily life but screw that! If you're still coming here, then I'm still writing.

Today, my faulty memory has struck again. I swear. I can't remember ANYTHING. I carry a sketchbook around because when I get an idea or something, if I don't write it down immediately, then poof, it's gone. Anyway, I had gone to class and decided to swing by the grocery store on the way home and while I was perusing the canned tuna I felt my phone vibrating. I grabbed it and it said 2 missed calls so I looked and it was my friend Liz. I called her back and she was like "Um hi, did you remember that we were coming by today? I'm sitting in front of your house." HOLY CRAP! Obviously, I had completely forgotten that she was coming by so I threw my stuff down the conveyor belt, checked out and sped home. She thought it was hilarious because this is something that either one of us would be prone to doing. I got home and then realized, as I'm welcoming her and her daughter in, that the house was mysteriously cold. Like really cold. Like "hey Liz, you might want to keep your coat on" cold. I checked the thermostat and the little thingy was buried below the 60 degree mark so I called Jeff and he had to come home to "fix" it. I have no idea what he did and neither does he but he just started jiggling things and unplugging some wires and replugging them and somehow it kicked back on. We had our furnace go out one night a few years ago and we had to sleep in our winter coats, hats and gloves. It was like camping but we were in our own freaking bed. We thought it would be a BRILLIANT idea to turn the oven on and try to warm up the house but Jeff didn't check it first and I had stored a big pyrex baking pan in it and when I told him, he grabbed it out and went and threw it in the snow where it promptly shattered in a million little blue pieces. To this day neither of us know why he threw it in the snow but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Thankfully it didn't get to that today because it's supposed to get COLDER in the next few days and we would've been screwed.

We sat and looked through some cake books today and Liz helped energize me to want to make another cake. Her other daughter's birthday is in March so I think I'm going to make her a fancy cake. It should be fun to do because Liz is fun and she'll want something crazy.

Happy Wednesday

Monday, January 14, 2008

Judge Judy should step in.

This is my last Britney post. That waste of space didn't bother to show up to court this morning for a custody hearing. What a dumb lint licker cootie queen. I wonder what this spells for her. Curtains, I imagine.

We shall see. That is all.

In and Out and I don't mean the burger

Okay, it's 9:42 and I'm already home from my first day back at school. My instructor has pneumonia and couldn't make it. I basically went to the studio, picked up my syllabus and left. Thank god I didn't bother to shower this morning or else I'd be pissed. Tomorrow will be different because my new graphic design instructor is some dude that owns a design firm here so he'll probably be way more critical than I'm used to which will suck. I predict tears this semester, people! Anyway, I guess I have an extra day of vacation. Woo hoo!

I've decided to start a weekly chat about VH1's "Rock of Love" since it premiered last night. I watched the first season and if you're unfamiliar, it's a bunch of skankily dressed "ladies" (I use the term loosely) vying for the love and attention of washed-up 80's rocker, Bret Michaels. A rock version of The Bachelor, if you will but with nastier chicks. You can imagine the level of class and dignity that this presents us, the viewer. Well, last season Bret chose cute punk-lite chick Jess over the over-processed and trash-tastic Heather. Heather was TOTALLY in love with him because that's what strippers go for but he went with Jess (don't know why) and it lasted about 6 minutes until she came to her senses and realized she was dating a has-been rock star and dumped him. Or so they say. Anyway, Bret's giving it another chance and we were introduced to his bevy of beauties ( I also use that term loosely) last night. They were your typical trashy stripper-types with a few loose canon's thrown in for good measure. One girl spent the entire time boozing it up and ended up passing out before she even met Bret. Needless to say, she went home. Most of the girls he picked were REALLY plastic looking and icky but a few were pretty and seemed relatively normal so of course they'll be gone soon. One girl had so much plastic surgery that she looked like a wax statue of a deer head attached to a hooker's body and it was making me want to barf. I don't get all the face-lifting and botoxing and lip-plumping and all that crap. Work with what 'cha got, I say. Most women look better before they start messing with all that crap. I don't know one single guy who likes that look and I am convinced that men who DO like it are cheese-asses anyway. To each his own I suppose. There were two ladies that were of the more mature variety and he chose them both so I gotta give him props for that. One lady was 45 and looked like she'd been around the block a few times but in a classy kinda way. Over all I think this is going to be a really good season based on the previews. I'll do a recap on Mondays and I'll try to find some pictures of these ladies so you can get the full experience.

Happy Monday y'all.

Friday, January 11, 2008

How many points are in cheese dip?

Well today is my last official day on vacation. I know, I know, I too hear the tiny violin playing me the saddest song in the world. It's been REALLY nice having some extra vacation time to sleep in, I MEAN get stuff done. Yeah. I spent pretty much all day yesterday refinishing some stools and watching the entire first season of Project Runway. I swear, Bravo will show a marathon of any damn thing and I'll watch it. I had high hopes of getting 7 billion art projects done during my break but I only got 3 done. One of those was the gigantic painting that has been taunting me from the basement. I finally got it done to my liking and it's made its way upstairs. That this is freaking HUGE, I tell you. It barely made it up the stairs and there's no chance in hell that I can hang it by myself. I'm hoping to get my stool seats upholstered today as well as a painting that has been sitting there staring at me half-finished for weeks going "Hey lady, why don't you focus on something longer than 10 seconds and finish me for chrissake". I am so easily distracted (I'm talking to you Project Runway). Although, I'm spying at least 3 episodes of Little House on the Prairie in a row on my TV guide thing so I might be screwed.
I love me some half-pint.

Tonight is girl's night at my friend Liz's house. She has Rock Band, which is like Guitar Hero but with the WHOLE BAND so clearly we shall rock out tonight because we rule. We are also going to eat many foods that are decidedly not on my diet including vodka so I will have to pay for that at a later date. I'm excited because it's just us girls and we can act a fool and no one cares.

On the adoption front, I got a call from our new St. Louis-based social worker yesterday and she's super nice and I'm excited to meet her. It looks like we will start our home study visits in just a few weeks and then we will just have to wait for our referral! It's pretty exciting because there's SO much waiting around with this adoption stuff and there's no growing belly to use as a guide so these little bits and pieces are all we got.

Happy Friday.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

I'll have to learn to sign swear words

HELLO??!!! HELLOOOOO??! I'm still muffled. It went away yesterday and everything was fine until last night when it just came back. Seriously, it just came back all of a sudden for no reason while I was eating dinner. One minute, hearing fine, next minute, cotton balls shoved into my ear canal. My right ear is worse today so clearly the earwigs are on the move. I'm hoping that it'll cure itself again today so we'll see. Jeff's leaving to go skiing so I hope I don't go totally deaf before he gets back. Last time be brought back a broken shoulder as a souvenir. I hope he just brings a t-shirt this time.

This also means that I have only 3 days left of my winter break and next week I start back to school. I should be excited because I'm just 16 weeks away from my degree but I'm kinda just "meh" about it. I MIGHT want to be a cake decorator more than I want to be a graphic designer but I suppose I'll just have to take whatever I can get when the time comes, right? I think I'd rather just win the publisher's clearinghouse sweepstakes and get $5k/week for life. That would be SWEET! I could open a little cake shop and not care if I didn't make a dime (which sadly is how most of my business ventures turn out minus the $5k/week for life) and just be a happy little baker but NOOOOOOO, I have to go get a REAL job because of stupid things like bills. Maybe I will open a cake shop and make MILLIONS!!!! Yeah, probably not. Anyways, I'm going to enjoy my last 3 days of freedom by re-upholstering some stools because that's how I roll.

Happy Wednesday.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Mah Car Broked Down!

Oh Britney, why can't I quit you? I awoke this morning to icky rain and our little princess Spears and her ways of the crazy. I guess that last night she was driving aimlessly around LA, got a flat on Sunset Blvd., drove on the flat for a bit before abandoning her Mercedes in the MIDDLE OF THE STREET to hop in one of the paparazzi's Toyota Camry. She had him drive her and her "assistant" to her house where she asked him to come in and take care of her and then she was seen leaving her house driving HIS car and heading to the Four Seasons. I guess the fuzz impounded her car since she just left it wherever. Sure, no problem. I usually just leave my car wherever I feel like it.

So, let's see what we've got here:

mental breakdown - check
defiantly refuses medical help - check
goes on romantic getaway with slimy pap - check
returns to LA to continue driving around for attention - check
tries desperately to get her children back - oh no sorry, no check
courts paps and brings them home with her - check

Well done Brit! I wonder how much longer this is going to go on for? I am beginning to think that maybe she isn't bi-polar but just has a major case of "spoiled-brat-look-at-me syndrome". I'm no doctor so that is purely speculation. I hate to devote any precious blog space to this girl but it's quite fascinating, really.

Monday, January 7, 2008

She DID Blind Me With Science.

Okay, last post for today but I'm just full of random thoughts.

Jeff and I were hanging out yesterday morning and found Pop-Up Videos had returned to VH1 Classics and we got sucked in. They showed a bunch of 80's videos and one of them was Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me With Science" and we both realized that Thomas Dolby is a dead ringer for Alton Brown. Seriously, look at them. They are the same person. It's totally freaky and then when we watched Iron Chef America last night, which on a side note featured a judge named Andrew somethingorother and he was about the most delicious thing on the show and my sister called during it just to see if we were also watching so I would see the hot judge and I was like "Hell yeah, I see him" and we decided he was GORGEOUS and we loved him, but anyway Alton Brown is the announcer and it made us yell out "Hey, it's Thomas Dolby" and "SCIENCE!" and then we laughed. We found another celeb doppelganger on DIY Network. I have no idea what his name is but he has a show called Wood Works and it's REALLY dry and boring but we like to watch it because I find it soothing for some reason but that's not important, the point is that he looks EXACTLY like Paul Rudd, who I have loved since "Clueless" and who I would run up and hug if I ever saw him in real life. Not really because then I would be a crazy lady and get arrested but I still love him and would at least stare intently if I saw him in person. It is impossible to watch Wood Works without constantly remarking "Jesus, he looks EXACTLY like Paul Rudd!" Well, that's what we do anyway. I've been trying to think of other celeb doppelgangers so if you can think of any, let me know.

I can't hear you, kinda

When I woke up on Sunday, I found that my ears had somehow clogged or something while I was sleeping. I went the whole day yesterday feeling like I needed to pop my ears but when I try, nothing happens. It's like I have water in them or something but that isn't possible. I was hoping that when I woke up today that it would have cured itself but it didn't and I'm still muffled. It doesn't hurt, but it's annoying like when you leave a loud concert and you kinda can't hear very well for a while after except that I didn't do that and I also have a tiny bit of lightheadedness to go along with it. Anyway, after an extensive search on WebMd, I found nothing. I hope it isn't like those ear worms that were in that Wrath of Kahn movie that crawled into that guys ear and went into his brain or a giant brain tumor that's about to blow. That would suck. Do I have an ear infection? What the hell is up with my ears? I guess that going to a doctor would be more effective than asking the 4 people that read this blog to diagnose me but I like to live on the edge.

Come On In

Good gravy, it's January 7th, not even noon yet and it's about 70 degrees out. What in the world?

I trust you all had a nice weekend. We spent the weekend getting our house put back together. We now have an actual dining room with a table and chairs and a guest bedroom that you can enter without having to catapult yourself over piles of cake decorating supplies and random boxes of crap. I'm sorta sad it's over but Jeff reminded me that it ISN'T over, just the parts that I liked doing are over. The basement is atrocious and needs to be cleaned out but I know for a fact that there are boxes down there that I moved in here 6 years ago that I've never opened so lord know what we'll find once we start digging. Jeff was so kind as to build shelves all over the place so we could be organized but that only lasted about 3 months on my side and now you have to step over 3 boxes, an old piece of laminate countertop and 7 buckets of paint to get to the shelves so that plan didn't really work. I promised him that I would start to go through all my stuff and prepare for the Great Basement Cleanout of 2008 but I don't think that's going to happen just yet. I need to ease into that one.

Here's a few photos of how things turned out upstairs:

Dining room/entry

dining room

living room

looking into kitchen

This picture is only here because my dogs thought I was taking THEIR picture. They have big egos.

I know it still looks a bit barren but I have 13 pieces of art going on the walls. Well, they're going up as soon as I can get them finished. I'm working on 4 of them at the same time so I hope to have them hung by this weekend. Jeff is going to begin installing the lighting which will also jazz it up quite a bit more. I'm pretty proud of how it all turned out. We wanted it to look kinda mod and kinda quirky because that's how we are. Well, we think we are anyway.

Friday, January 4, 2008


Okay, this is my last Britney post. I just read that she went berzerk, put Sean in the car and went back in the house and locked herself in a "room" with Jayden. The monitor called the fuzz and that's when the caca hit the fan. They said she was going crazy hysterical. Holy mother!They also said she won't be seeing her kids for a LONG time. That is so dang sad. Those poor kids had no chance. K-Fed may look like a hero now but he's still a douchebag so they're still headed for a Michael Jackson-level childhood and we saw how that worked out. Sad, sad, sad.

Britney's Breakdown Update Number Deuce

Okay, I have no life today so I'm all over this Britney thing. Granted all my info comes from other gossip blogs so who knows what the hell is true but PICTURES DON'T LIE! I saw a picture of her on the gurney strapped down with RESTRAINTS so obviously the reports of her hysteria were probably true. I guess this is what one calls a "nervous breakdown". LM, I'll wait for your professional assessment on that one. I wonder if she was threatening to hurt her kids since it seemed to take MANY cops, paramedics, lawyers, K-Fed and probably the pizza delivery guy to get her out of the bathroom. They should have lured her with a frappuccino. That would have done the trick. I KEED, of course she is "troubled" and she needs help so I hope this episode gets her where she needs to be but I am highly suspect. Britney seems to only do what Britney wants so reason isn't an option. If they medicate her, who's to say she'll take it. I doubt she's gone this long without some sort of prozac or something and we see how well that's worked for her but I guess if she's jacked up on meth or something she won't take her regular meds . Call me crazy but I still have a hard time believing she is the drug addict they say she is but at this point nothing will surprise me.

UPDATE: Thanks LM for your insight. How 'bouts I make you a cake for payment, mmkay?

Oops, she did it again

Oh Lordy. Britney's done it this time. My awesome husband woke me this morning to tell me that Britney has gone off the deep end. Ordinarily I would have been pissed that he woke me up so early but this is pretty crazy and he knew I would want to know because he GETS me. Anyway, you probably saw the story, Brit took some drugs, locked herself and her kids in the bathroom and wouldn't give them to K-Fed's bodyguard, chaos ensued and she's in the hospital on suicide watch. First off, why does K-Fed have a body guard and why is HE picking up his children? Who the hell is mobbing K-Fed? Britney? He could probably just distract her with something shiny if she ever came after him but whatever. I'm getting a bodyguard, too. You never know.

Seriously though, the girl has some mental problems and clearly has spiraled out of control but I can't feel THAT sorry for her when she's driving herself around Los Angeles constantly so she can make sure she gets her picture taken ALL THE TIME and then she's all romantic with the paps (gross) and basically creating her own Circus of Amazement and Wonder! I guess she wanted the attention back from her knocked-up teenage sister. OH SNAP! I keed, I keed (kinda). Anyway, celebrities are so weird and I don't feel sorry for them because they make bajillions of dollars and get free crap all the time just to stand there and look pretty but they want us to feel sorry when their privacy is invaded. Sorry folks, you stop putting yourself in the spotlight and I'll stop reading about your shenanigans. Easy peasy.

UPDATE: I just read that "supposedly" Brit Brit was NOT on drugs (yeah, sure she wasn't) and that this breakdown was totally mental and that she hadn't slept or eaten in 4 days and that she was laughing hysterically on the gurney and they had to strap her down.

oh boy. She was gooped up on the gop.

Thursday, January 3, 2008


I just found this picture from Christmas. This is my sister's dog Pete. While we were in the throws of opening presents, Pete apparently grew tired of us and fell asleep under a pile of wrapping paper. I like to think she's shunning us in her own dog way but DANG is she cute!

Insert clever title here

You know, I have no freaking idea what day it is and my brain is functioning on low for some reason (thanks alot, brain). This whole holiday in the middle of the week has really screwed up my internal clock workings. I did manage to resist the urge to stay in bed until 10am today. Well actually it was 9:45 and my friend LL called and I was more interested in catching up with her than sleeping AND I went to bed early because I was still hungry after dinner so I figured sleep would take care of that (damn you, points!), SO I am currently showered and ready to embark on my journey today, which sounds way more exciting than saying that I'm going to Bed, Bath & Beyond to buy a micro-planer. We're also at def-con 4 as far as our toilet paper supply is concerned so I'll be swinging by Tarjay as well. What does this mean to you? Nothing. I just thought you might want to know in case you needed anything.

Have a great day.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

I prefer to call it "low-key"

I forgot to talk about my new year's eve in my last post. I got too wrapped up in my inner Oprah. Speaking of which, I started reading some other blogs, some from people I know and some from strangers and now I feel GUILTY because everyone is all mother earthy and waxing philosophically about 2007 and what they accomplished and what they learned and what they are going to do in 2008 and blah, blah, blah and I talked about a highway closure. WTF ME?! I'm CLEARLY not all mother earthy (but I do recycle), I don't like to sit around and cry with my girlfriends about how I can make the world a better place and I don't really ever feel like I accomplish much, let alone make a list of said accomplishments. Large parts of me wish I were more like that, more spiritually centered or whatever the hell that means but I'm just not that girl. I try to be a nice person to whoever I encounter in my day, I try to be there for my friends and we're all busy but we all understand that if we are ever needed, we're there in a heartbeat with no guilt, I try to do nice things for people and I try to look at the sunny side of things even when they're swirling down the crapper. Even so, I still feel guilty that I didn't spend that last year getting my doctorate in world peace or building homes for the poor or finding my dream job like on the commercial or reading Maya Angelou. Instead I got my nose pierced. Oh well. I guess if I accomplished anything it's that now you don't have to feel guilty if you didn't do those things either!

Anyhoo, back to new year's eve (damn you inner Oprah, SHUT UP ALREADY). First off, I would like to say that yes, we are lame. Secondly, not only are we lame but I stopped caring about making new year's eve a SUPER SPECTACULAR CELEBRATION about 6 years ago so being lame does not bother me. We used to go out on the town but at this point, neither of us really want to deal with the crowds or the effort of going out (LAY-Z!). We threaten to do it every year but we usually end up at my sister's house, which is where we were this year. Again. That being said, I had a loverly time. My sister and I played dual guitar hero for a couple hours, we ate massive amounts of food including some shrimp and crab legs that were so freaking huge that if I encountered either in the open ocean I would probably have a heart attack and die right there. Seriously, the shrimp were like lobster tails and the crab legs were as big as my arm. WHAT THE HELL DO THEY FEED THESE THINGS? BABIES?! Anyway, we stuffed ourselves and then plopped down on the couch and watched The Simpson's movie. At some point, my brother in law walked in to the room and said "does anyone care that it's 2 minutes till midnight?" We looked at each other and kinda went "meh." Then we heard fireworks galore and went outside, basked in the display, wished each other happy new year and then resumed our positions on the couch. That's pretty much it. Oh yeah, I also made cinnamon rolls. Mmmmm.

It feels like Monday, right?

Happy New Year! Well, it's really happy January 2nd, but who's counting. I was going to post yesterday but I was way too busy holding the couch down to type. It's so weird when we start a new year and we make all kinds of promises and resolutions and vow to be better. It's like a reset button or something but I think that's a good thing in the grand scheme of things. I feel like I can accomplish more with a clean slate than I can when I'm dragging around loads of guilt and failed attempts at what have you. I hope I can stick to my resolutions longer than a week but we'll have to see. I'm trying to channel my inner Oprah and be positive about 2008 but my inner Oprah is annoying and tells me things I don't want to know like how exercise is GOOD for you so I might just continue to be cynical. Hey, it works.

On another note, we had a major highway shutdown happen today (in case you stumbled upon this blog from somewhere else) and while it's clearly a huge pain in the nuts, do I need to sit through 3 HOURS of highway shutdown news coverage?? I mean really? REALLY? They had reporters stationed all over the place today and there was NO TRAFFIC. It's a freaking holiday week, people! Show us the extended coverage on Monday when everything goes back to normal and that's when we'll see the log jam! The shutdown begins about 3 miles from my house and extends 5 miles west through the middle of the city and county. You would think, thanks to the EXTENSIVE news coverage, that every road in St. Louis was shut down and you'd better just go ahead and quit your job now because there's now way you'll be able to get to work! Jeepers. Thankfully neither of us have to take the highway to work or school, so suck it closure.