Monday, May 7, 2012

When Vacations Attack, Part 1 of Several

So, WE'RE BAAAACK! Yes, we survived Hawaiipocalypse 2012 and the island continues to stand proudly, although had you asked me that the day we left I would have told the lovely people there to flee in terror. We didn't have many toddler-based incidents on this trip, but the few we had were not fun at all and the first one came from Mia as we boarded the plane. Yes, perfect timing! She was, let's just say "fussy" ( I said a-hole but whatever, potato-potahtoe) because she had woken up with a stuffy nose and possible molars coming in and as we were about to board, I realized to my horror that someone (not me) had packed her medicine in the checked luggage and not the carry-on. I repeat, the medicine that will make her NOT SCREAM FOR THE NEXT 10 HOURS, was not accessible until we landed 4000 miles away. We frantically searched the airport for a replacement (note to airports: stock Benadryl) but got nothing and finally had to get on the plane.

She started in her seat (for about 11 seconds) but then wanted to be on my lap but we had purchased her the crazy harness thing so Jeff got it out and hooked her up, locking her in the seat. She was outraged. We hadn't even left the jetway so I went into panic mode and started giving her snacks, hoping it would distract her. This worked slightly until we got into the air, at which time she decided to begin her whine/cry, which makes me want to claw out my eardrums with a fork after about 3 minutes. This was all academy award worthy and I was bracing for more but thankfully she wore herself out within a few minutes and passed out with half a cracker in her mouth and only one shoe on. This bliss didn't last long and we spent the last hour or so playing the "please don't scream" game while showering her with gifts and snacks that she threw aside like an angry Marie Antoinette. We finally gave her an iPhone and it shut her up until we got to LA.

After a brief layover we were off again and I was much more anxious this time since we kinda blew our wad with her entertainment package already and we still had another 5 hours to go. I'm no mathematician but that doesn't sound great for our odds of success. We sat down and immediately the fussing began so we started with snacks as before and then after throwing her Hello Kitty sticker book on the floor in disgust, we moved back to the iPhone. These things seem to have special magic powers that attract small children like raccoons to rotting chicken. She was SO THRILLED to have this phone that she actually sat in her seat and played with it. She also got so excited that instead of screaming, she would occasionally shriek out in joy over a sweet Angry Birds move or a cute picture of herself. Well, this was unacceptable to some people, and by some people I mead the d-bag and his wife sitting across the aisle. Look, I get that no one likes to fly with little kids, especially their parents, but there is only so much we can do. I don't like to fly with people who smell bad or want to talk or insist on leaving their light on when everyone else is sleeping including the person next to them, but you know what, it's like a bus with wings so you just have to roll with it. Be thankful neither of them pooped.

I'll post more later...................