Friday, July 1, 2011

Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo

So, clearly I'm a terribly unreliable blogger and I don't expect anyone to read this as I'm sure the three of you who cared have moved on to other things in your life. However, part of the reason I don't post is because my life if pretty boring and there are already a gazillion mom blogs out there which leaves me with not much else to write about. I'm not sure how exciting it would be to read about what I do when I'm not momming, which is usually gesso-ing canvases or reading InStyle. Those are not very interesting.

However, we had some excitement here the other day so I thought I'd share. On Monday night, I fell down my basement steps and broke my tailbone. Or my ass bone as I prefer to call it. I was talking to my sister on the phone and was heading downstairs to paint. I had the phone on one hand and a brush in the other and apparently my brain was switched to off. As I took the FIRST STEP, my heel slid off the edge and down I went. And went. And went. And went. AND WENT until I crashed into the gate we put at the bottom to keep Mia from escaping. It was very Monty Python and hilarious despite my injury. This is what my sister heard:

me: blah, blah, blah....OHGODOHGODOHGODHJLFHJKLHBJHLSGVFUF...thud, thud, thud, thud...static...........CRASH!

small pause

Jeff: Um yeah, we're gonna have to call you back. Amy just fell down the stairs.

As soon as I landed, I knew it was not good. I had a stabbing pain in my rear and couldn't do more than roll around the floor moaning. The kids thought this was all really entertaining and gave me a big round of applause. I'm sure they also thought my tears were from the joy they were bringing me but I digress. Jeff helped me back upstairs and onto the bed where I had to lie as still as I could for about an hour because moving or getting up made me super nauseous and felt like someone was actively trying to stab me to death via my tush. We were going to head to the ER, but after self-diagnosing on (editor's note- do not do this) I learned that they don't do anything for this anyway so I decided to save the co-pay. I iced it up and took 3 ibuprofen. It's been 4 days now and it still hurts so badly I cannot drive. This is SURPRISINGLY PAINFUL. I finally broke down and called the doctor today and as the internet confirmed, there isn't anything they will do but tell you it's very painful (spoiler alert) and that it can last A LONG WHILE. Fabulous. She heard Mia blabbering on in the background and said "oh I hear a little one there! Ooh, this injury is hard with a baby." When I told her I had not one but TWO toddlers, she paused and then said she would say a little prayer for me.

That was not very reassuring but as I have learned, she was correct in her secondhand fear. My children have taken on the characteristics of two sharks who have just smelled the blood of an injured seal in the water. Guess who the seal is. They have both decided this is a PERFECT time to practice their climbing, jumping and tantrum skills. They know I can't move quickly or grab them since I can only bend about 20 degrees and they're taking full advantage. When Mia doesn't want to go where I need her to go, she now throws herself down like the cops just got here and laughs and laughs and laughs. That way I can't reach her. Crafty little thing. They're also climbing up and jumping on the furniture and I can't really stop them. TRAITORS. Max keeps asking me if my butt hurts and when I tell him yes, he then will demand several things at once, none of which I can do easily. Yesterday he wanted the sprinkler so after spending 15 minutes trying to get it set up without bending down or hurting myself further (impossible), he played for a whopping 8 minutes before he demanded to go indoors. CUT ME SOME SLACK, BRO.

Anyway, that's the excitement. A broken ass. That's what constitutes as excitement around here. That's sad.