Monday, June 29, 2009

Weekend Roundup

So, there hasn't been much to report here from Kimchi Central. Things are not necessarily boring, well actually they are but as soon as I say that the roof will fall in or Max will sprout antennae and a tail or some shit, but they do tend to be the same. It's like Groundhog Day but without the comedy stylings of one Mr. Bill Murray. I'm either hovering over him to make sure he doesn't bash his brains out on the coffee table or keeping him from eating poison, trying to get work done between tantrums or attempting to maintain control of this house. The latter usually falls to the wayside, evident by the mountain of laundry I have staring at me and the piles of miscellaneous crap laying around. I should care more but I just don't. Max has been Senor Crabbystein the last few weeks and if we aren't entertaining him 10000% of the time, he's either whining, throwing something or screaming. It's lovely, really. I believe the medical term for this time is bratisitius and there is no known cure. I have found that if you drink enough wine, it doesn't really bother you anymore. I keed, I keed. Sorta.

We spent a good deal of the weekend outside, which is much to my dismay since I'm not a fan of nature or the outdoors in general, but we learned quickly that if we tire him out, he will sleep more. Not a lot more, mind you, but we did get an extra 45 minutes Saturday morning. The best part is that since we're so used to getting up at DAWN that when he does sleep in a bit, we still wake up and end up lying there going "is that him? did he just cry? is he awake?" instead of snoozing in. Ugh. It was also hot as hades this weekend so we spent part of Saturday afternoon in the backyard playing in the sprinkler. Max wasn't sure what to do about it and pretty much walked up and put his face right in the stream. Despite the water up the nose, he seemed to enjoy it. He also has a little blow-up pool with a fountain so it was pretty much like a water park out there. Well, a really crappy waterpark with a sprinkler and a 5" deep blow-up pool and some grass clippings that stuck to everyone. Awesome. We did make it to the real pool on Sunday morning, though. It was nice because we were the only people there besides the lifeguard and the water was 80 degrees. We got him a life jacket, thinking we could let him splash around on his own but that lasted about .6 seconds and all the life jacket helped him do was to fall face first into the concrete when he tried to walk with it on. He has the bruise on his head to prove it. Sorry kid.

On another note, over the next 3 weeks, I'm going to be making 3-4 cakes to enter into a contest at Basically I have to take a shirt that they sell and translate the design to a cake. My friend Mary sent the contest my way and I thought it would be fun because the t-shirts are really funny. I'm not going to divulge which designs I'm using just yet but I'll be posting the cake pics as I finish them. I'm also going to ask you kind reader(s) to visit the website at that time to vote for my cakes. There's some pretty stiff competition out there but it'll be cool just to see a picture of my cake on a site that I don't maintain myself.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Happy Father's Day, one day late.

So, Jeff and Max had quite a nice Father's Day weekend together. In the past, his father's days usually involved a card from the dog and some crap gift from me but this year I could not get my act together to even get him a freaking card but he got to celebrate it FOR REAL with a human child. I had a cake to do this weekend so on Saturday he took Max over to his dad's house to go swimming with his brother and our niece. Max is quite the little swimmer and Jeff said he was in the pool for an hour straight. I'd give my right arm to get the sweet tan this kid gets after being outside for 15 minutes. Seriously, it's gorgeous. Now, before you call child services and tell them I'm giving my kid skin cancer, we slathered him with sunscreen, he just tans easily, OKAY?! Anyway, they spent the better part of the day over there and he was one tired cookie when they got home.

On Sunday, I was going to brunch with my dad and Jeff was supposed to meet his dad and his brothers and their kids to go on a big family bike ride. My family never went on big family bike rides. This seems like work. I declined. We had prepared Max for this adventure earlier in the week by purchasing the world's cutest baby helmet and taking him on a test run. He is seriously killing me with that helmet on.
Well, as the morning went on Sunday and we realized how freaking hot it was getting, I was starting to gently suggest that perhaps it was too hot for Max to ride along, considering the car thing said it was 97 out and the humidity was at "tropical rainforest" levels. Jeff was all "it's fine" but by the time we were on our way to the restaurant for him to drop me off, his phone was ringing. The plans had changed, they were going swimming. HOORAY. This meant that Jeff was going to have to drop me off, go back home and get swim stuff for the both of them and drive all the way back to where we already were. So, he did this. When he finally made it to his dad's house, the plans had changed AGAIN. Now they were going to some lake where they were going to ride jet skis. HUH? Uh, I think Max is just a bit too little for that. Anyway, while I got a ride home from my sister, Jeff was getting lost somewhere in southern central St. Louis county trying to find this lake. He finally got there and ended up spending the whole time watching everyone else ride jet skis while he sat in a pavilion with Max. Here is artfully posing for you by the lake.
He kinda looks like a merman in this picture. You know, a male mermaid. Or a stump. Whichever. Anyways, I'm not saying he didn't have fun, because he got to hang with his dad, but I think we might go away next year so we don't have to run around for everyone else and he can just enjoy his day.

Regardless, Jeff is the greatest dad ever and if I had the foresight to find him a coffee cup that says that, I would have bought it.

Oh look at that. I just saved $8.99. You're welcome, honey.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Monday, June 15, 2009

Weekend Round Up

So, this was quite a weekend here for all of us. As you know, Friday was a big day with all the legal wrangling and whatnot and really, how could we top that? Saturday, Grandma Jan was so kind as to come and babysit so we could meet my sister for lunch and a movie. We saw Star Trek, which was AWESOME. Seriously awesome. Now, we are geeks so we would have seen it anyway, but it was really just a good movie, whether you like sci-fi or not. Hot Captain Kirk didn't hurt, either. I have to say it was nice to eat a meal without someone's grubby hands trying to grab everything in sight or having to dodge flying food or trying to convince someone that staying in his high chair was beneficial to us all.
Sunday was also a day of firsts. It was Max's first time in the big pool! We have a little pool at home that he's been in and loves but this time we took him to grandpa's big fancy neighborhood pool. We bought him a little floaty thing but eventually Jeff took him out and he was SO HAPPY. He has no fear and didn't care if he got water in his eyes or anything. This is good because I want him to be a good swimmer but bad because he has NO FEAR. Yikes. Anyway, he had so much fun that we're taking him again soon. This time I'm getting in so BEWARE OF THE SAFETY POLICE.
This was pre-swim. He was like "what the hell is this big blue thing?"

HE'S IN! That is one fine looking husband I have.

Here he is in full swim. He was kicking those feet like a champ.

Daddy was throwing him up and he was cracking up. Mommy was sitting on her hands at the edge hoping she could figure out CPR if necessary. I KEED GRANDMA, I KEED.

Daddy, Grandpa and Max. Classic.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Order In The Court

So, today was the day. The official day in court to make little Kimchi a US citizen and our kid forever. Whether he likes it or not. Our return period is over, kid. It's weird that it's all done. We have no more paperwork, no more visits, no more poking and prodding and check writing. I was nervous all morning because it's court and court makes me nervous. Not that I've been a whole lot but not much good comes from court. Except this. This was kick ass.

Grandma Jan, Grandpa Cliff and Grandpa Larry were on hand to witness the festivities. We all met up in the waiting are and our attorney gave us the lowdown on how things were going to play out. It was mostly a bunch of questions with me answering "yes." It was riveting and I expect to be asked to reprise my performance on "Law & Order" any day now. Max had not had a nap so he was less than enthusiastic about being asked to sit still in a quiet courtroom. The courtroom itself was quite small and it was just us and the court people. He started to squirm shortly after they started questioning me and finally I saw the judge reach into his big judge desk and pull out two things and hand them to the court lady next to him. She brought them over and it was a fruit roll-up and a pack of Oreos. Jeff gave him the fruit roll-up IN the pack and he proceeded to smack it on every surface he could find, including Jeff, as you can see below, while also trying to pry it open with this teeth so he could eat it. He also spent this time exercising his vocal chords.

Well the attorney was still talking away and Max is smacking the pack around and trying to bite it and finally the judge interrupts the attorney and bellows "JEFFREY, JUST GIVE HIM THE FRUIT ROLL UP. WHAT ELSE DOES HE HAVE TO DO?" Jeff turned 97 shades of embarrassed and very quickly tore open the fruit roll-up. Within 2 minutes Max is covered in sticky drool and I pass him back to Jeff and then in the middle of the judge handing down the ruling, he very loudly burps. In the echoy courtroom. I was trying to keep a straight face at the judge who is staring at me and speaking but I was about to DIE. They finally ruled that we get to keep him and everyone started to clap, which for some reason was hilarious to me and then we went up for a photo op with the judge. Max was VERY interested in him, specifically his robe, and kept putting his arms out like he wanted the judge to hold him so he did! It was hilarious and the judge was so cool about all his shenanigans, even giving up his secret sugar stash.

Then they kicked our asses out for the next case and we went out for Mexican food.

Here you see him contemplating his new status as an American and how he's going get out of jury duty. I keed, I keed. He will serve.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

You're a peein'? Don't get it on my leg.

So, despite the rain last weekend, Jeff and I took Max to the European Car Show. It was in a swanky mall parking lot, which was convenient because I had been wanting to stock up on diamonds and Gucci bags at Neiman Marcus. I keed, I keed. They wouldn't even let me pee in that place. Anyway, when we pulled in, the rain looked like it was stopping but once we parked and got out, it started up so I decided to spare humanity the horror of seeing my hair go bananas so I opted to stay in the car and play Mahjong on my iPhone. I've become quite a fan of this game, which unlike sudoku does not require math skills and I find I can waste a good amount of time playing it. They were only gone for about 15-20 minutes, it wasn't a big car show, and returned with pictures so I could view from the comfort of the front seat. As we all know, I have an unnatural love of all things miniature so anytime I can go see real Austin Minis I will go. The new ones are okay but nothing beats the original and I will own one someday. SOMEDAY I TELL YOU. They even had a MINI TRUCK that would be perfect for delivering my cakes. You hear that Ebay Motors, produce me a mini truck and we'll be friends.

Max looking bug-eyed with a bug-eyed Austin-Healey Sprite. I will also take one of these, please. I'm not 100% sure but I think Max is giving you his Blue Steel again. You're welcome.

Meh. Car is okay, kid looks disgusted. Show me something better, daddy.

MUCH BETTER. He's pleading with his eyes for daddy to get this for mommy. It would make everyone so happy.

This was next to the one in the last pic. Um, flames and a checkerboard roof? HELLS YES.

This is the mini truck. Swap out the landscape graphics for my cake logo and bam, Bob's your uncle.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Order in the court.

So, one week from today is our official day in court to adopt Max. He'll get a bright shiny new birth certificate so we can get him his very own passport. He has a Korean passport, which I guess after next week will be more of a keepsake than anything he can use. Maybe I'll use it as a coaster. I KEED, I KEED. It's probably not absorbant enough. Anyway, I'm really excited that this is all wrapping up. Jeff and I were talking about how long ago it seemed that we were sitting in the community room of some library with another couple and a woman from Holt, not even knowing which country we wanted to adopt from, watching a video of all these people adopting these sweet little babies. I think Jeff and I lasted about 23 seconds before we were blubbering messes. To see all those kids, from all over the world, and to imagine you would be like the person on the tape, coming to the airport with the wee thing and having everyone there to meet you, was just too surreal. Until we did all that stuff. Us. We can barely remember to take the recycling to the curb even though it comes on the same day every week, and yet we've managed to adopt a freaking child! That's some crazy shit.

In the last 6 months, we've gone from bumbling new parents who could barely change the diaper of a baby who had no idea who we were or what we were saying, to a totally normal family. Well, normal is a relative term. Normally weird, perhaps. Anyway, 6 months ago I would have freaked out to find he had taken his diaper off in the middle of the night and peed in the bed but now, well, I just sigh and change the sheets. Again. We've come a long way, baby.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

These should be featured at Sundance.

So, we took some video this weekend of Kimchi. He is a bizarre little child, I tell you. He's really come into his own in the last few weeks and he's burst out with this totally loud and hilarious personality. Well, it's hilarious when he's laughing and being adorable, not so much when I'm sitting in TGI Friday's trying to enjoy my delicious California club and he's yelling and throwing his sippy cup at anyone within reach. He is also growing at an astonishing rate and since we came in late to the game, I have no idea if this is normal or if I'm going to go in one morning and he's going to be Yao Ming size. I also don't know if this little personality was always in there and he was just waiting until he felt comfortable with us to bust it out or if this is just normal progression for a kid. I really should probably pick up a parenting book at some point.

Anyway, this first video I took last weekend after breakfast and no, he's not wearing pants. He does have a diaper on but he is averse to wearing pants at home so I allow it. I don't wear pants so why should he. I keed, I keed. I totally wear pants. He is REALLY trying to talk to us and I wish I knew what he was trying to say because clearly it is of vital importance to Earth. I can't explain the hanger other than he decided he really, really likes them.

The trick I'm referring to at the end is one his daddy taught him called "Climb Into The Chair All By Yourself So Mommy Can Freak Out That You're Going To Fall Off And Crack Your Face Open." We didn't get video of that. Instead, I will now show you The Laughing Video. He spent a good 20 minutes running around his room laughing for no apparent reason. He was really pleased with himself. He has the funniest laugh and at the very end, you can see him go in to french the camera. He is full of l'amour.

The best part of this video is when he gets REALLY tickled by himself, he flails his arms and between the arms and the shirt, he reminds me of Robin Williams as the gay nightclub owner in "The Birdcage." VIVA LA JAZZ HANDS!!!