Friday, January 30, 2009

I'm buying stock in Cheer

So, now that I'm a mom, I have noticed a few changes in my life. Seriously. Things aren't the same anymore and LUCKY YOU, I'm going to write about them. Aside from the not sleeping and not being able to eat a meal without someone who is small and Asian screaming or wanting to eat it for me or the endless supply of dirty diapers, there are two other things I have noticed. One, I do a lot of laundry. A FREAKING LOT. A ridiculous amount of laundry. And the best part is that my washing machine is in the basement, which means the kid has to ride in the basket with the dirty clothes.

As you can see, HE LOVES IT. If I wait for nappy time, then I have to choose between that or getting work done, showering, eating or going to the bathroom. Going to the bathroom is not easy with a 10 month old. Not at all and no sweetheart, toilet paper is not a toy nor is it food and no, mommy doesn't want you to stand in front of her and repeatedly hit her legs while she's trying to go. Anyway, Jeff and I managed to live together for the last 7+ years doing about one load of laundry each per week. Now, I do about 1-2 PER DAY. There are towels from poop explosions, nappies from spit up, pants, jammies, socks and shirts, all of which get dirty approximately 9 minutes after he puts it on. He is drooling like a bulldog so his shirt is always wet and likes to fart and sometimes we get a gift with those farts and sometimes the stupid diaper decides to suck and then we have leaking so off with those pants. One day we went through 3 pairs of pants within a 2 hour time span. 2 HOURS, PEOPLE. It just doesn't stop.

The other thing I've noticed is that I'm at the store all the time. This week alone I have been to the grocery store 3 times, Walgreens 1 time and Target twice. Why you ask? Because the minute I get in the store, my brain goes on strike and I stand there looking around going "what did I come here for?" and then I wander aimlessly for a while, putting random things in my basket and then I get home and go "GODDAMMIT, I FORGOT ______." I try to make lists but I usually leave it here or I drop it or it falls out of my pocket or whatever. I can't carry a purse anymore, which sucks because just before we went to Korea I bought the most kick-ass shiny patent leather handbag, which now sits on my dresser. I usually just shove what I need in my pockets (yes Jan, I have a pocket purse now) since I haven't been able to find a bag that will work while I'm lugging around the kid. I have a diaper bag but it's full of....diapers. Anyway, guess where we're going today? THE STORE. I swear. We were just there last night but this morning I discovered that the extra sleeve of 50 bottle liners I thought I had was actually a sample pack containing exactly 6. Not only that but the kid has decided that yelling is FUN and he does it throughout the entire shopping trip. It's not crying mind you, it's just random yelling, which usually ends up scaring the shit out of whoever is standing nearby because it is LOUD.

Anyway, if you want to know where I am, now you know. In the cryptkeeper basement or pushing a cart somewhere trying to shush a screaming Asian.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Lost Recap

Oh Lost, you're such a bad boyfriend. You confuse me, fill me with uncertainty and then just when I'm really mad at you, you go and do something nice. You're a bad boy. Let us chat.....

- So, Penny and Des have a leetle baby boy and they name him Charlie. Awww...but why did they show it and then immediately flash to them in the future going to Great Britain? I hasten to think the producers show us anything without context and it seemed like a convoluted way to say they had a baby. Where were they and why? It sure looked like the village the Oceanic 6 washed up on Maybe it's nothing but I think we might be revisiting that place and that doctor again. Just a hunch. So the Hume family is headed to GB to find Daniel's mommy at Oxford. I guess we can all agree that his mommy is probably Eloise Hawkins, which makes me wonder who's side she is on and it kinda throws a wrench on the who is bad/who is good flowchart that is in my brain. We'll get to that later. Anyway.....

-Back in the jungle, the nerd brigade are headed to the creek to rendezvous with Juliet and the rest of the peeps from the beach, which may I interject that on this island is there only ONE CREEK? It just seems like they're all "meet me at the creek" and they just seem to know EXACTLY where that is. Weird. On the way, we see Ginger Spice is still a sickey and Danny knows why but he won't say and just when they get to the creek, KABOOM, one of the extras that was only in the scene to die trips a wire and a mine blows. Suddenly they are met by people with rifles who look like they mean business.

-Back on Desmond's boat, he and Penny argue over his insistence to go to find Danny's mom. She knows her father will probably kill him if given the chance but Des is STUBBORN and has to go to save the world. Of course he does.

-Back on the island, the nerds are captured and the chick leader, who spoke as though she had just eaten some peanut brittle and her teeth were stuck together, wants to know where the rest of the people are and they're all "I don't know" and then they tell them that the nerds are the ones who put the mines there and and they're all "huh?" and then they ask again where the people are and Danny's like "I DON'T KNOW." Well, we then find Juliet, Locke and Sawyer, who have killed one soldier and have two others hostage. The dudes won't talk to them and start to speak Latin to each other, which pisses off Locke and Sawyer until we find out Juliet knows Latin because it's standard Other training. OH SNAP! Next we see the nerds marching with the other Others and Miles talks to dead people again and we hear there are fresh American soldier bodies buried in them there hills and Faraday's all "wha?" and then we get to the camp and who is there to greet us? Of course, it's Richard Alpert and of course he looks exactly the same as always. In fact, I believe is even wearing the same clothes he had on when he saw John in the jungle in the last episode. Really, they have JCrew in the jungle, Richard because that's a pretty nice shirt. Anyway, Richard said he thinks they're American soldiers that have come for "their bomb" and Danny's all "huh?"

-Back at Oxford, which you should be reading in an English accent AT ALL TIMES, Des tries to find Faraday or his mom and the lady says there's no record of either nor does he recall the year he himself had been there to see them. He leaves, finds the Physics building and goes in to see for himself. The room is taped off for fumigation but he busts that shit down and we see Danny's lab all a mess with all his gadgets covered in sheets. A man appears, a janitor perhaps, and he tells Des that the school has basically erased Danny from their memory after "wha' he done to that poor girl." We see the rat maze and a picture of Danny and some blonde woman and Des is mighty cornfused now and the man tells him to tell his mates he saw NOTHING and Des leaves.

-On the island, Danny tells Charlotte and Miles that they need to keep pretending to be American soldiers to stay alive. Richard interrupts their fun and Danny says they are scientists and Richards asks if they are here to recover their bomb and Danny reveals that he knows it's a FREAKING H-BOMB and he knows the bomb is not right and that he will fix it for them. Holy crap! He also professes his love for Charlotte. Hmm...

-Back in the jungle, Sawyer, Juliet and the rest are marching the captured soldiers and trying to get them to take them to their camp and just when one of them starts to give, the other breaks out, SNAPS HIS NECK, and takes off. OUCH!

-Des has found the "poor girl" that the Oxford dude told him about and what he finds is a woman, presumably the one in the photo with him, who is in a catatonic state living with her sister. Des wants to talk to her but the sister says "she is away" and we figure out that a) Daniel must have done experiments on her and now she is time-traveling constantly to her detriment, b) Danny left her there like that (is he bad?) and the biggie c) WIDMORE is Danny's benefactor, funded his research and has been caring for this woman since this happened. Des visits Widmore, who seems genuinely surprised to see him, asks him to tell him who Danny's mom is and Widmore does. He also tells Des to STAY OUT OF THIS SHIT and to go back into hiding with Penny. He does give him the info and tells him she is in LA, which further confirms that it's probably Hawkins. It may have been a trick but I think he was being sincere. He knows that Ben will pop a cap in Penny at the first chance to make up for Alex getting her brains blown out. The game has changed! This leads me to question whether Widmore is as bad as we think. Maybe he knows that Ben is going to use the island to do something bad. Maybe not but I TRUST NO ONE.

-On the island, Danny tells Charlotte again that he loves her and Richard allows him to go fix the bomb. He tells him that they had killed many soldiers and had no problem killing. Does this mean Richard is bad? While they're talking, the soldier who ran off comes running up and argues with Richard over Danny and Richard is all up in his business for possibly leading them to the camp and the soldier is all "you think he knows this island better than I do?" and then we see Locke and Juliette up on the hill looking down on them. Locke remarks that he is surprised Richard is there and Juliette says that Richard has always been there and that he is very old. Thank you Captain Obvious. Faraday is sent off with the blonde girl to fix the bomb, Locke goes down to the camp to find Richard and Sawyer and Juliette go to try and save Danny, who they think is being led to his death. While Faraday and the blonde woman walk, he mentions that she looks so much like someone else, which of course is foreshadowing but who she is we don't know yet. Maybe it's his mother as a young woman. Just a thought. Anyway, Sawyer and Juliet find them, explain that they are from the future, Danny tells her they need to bury the bomb and that she shouldn't worry because the island is still there 50 years from now so the bomb does not go off. However, this will mean that in future time, there is an H-bomb buried on this island. Maybe that's what they're really trying to find. Probably not, but whatever.

-Locke goes to the camp and tries to explain to Richard and his eyeliner that he is from the future and that Jacob sent him but the rascally soldier from before gets all up in HIS business and we then learn that this soldier is.........WIDMORE. I literally STOOD UP FROM THE COUCH IN DISBELIEF. I try to stay away from Lost spoilers as much as I can so this was a lovely surprise to me. So now we know. Widmore WAS on the island. One interesting note, when Locke and Richard are talking, Richard seems surprised that Locke has time traveled. This means that the Dharma experiments have not yet started. This also leave a big hole as to why the others are there in the first place. Finally, in a last dramatic moment, Charlotte's nose starts to bleed and she collapses, just like the other people who time traveled did. I don't think she is dead and quite frankly, I don't think Danny loved her but as we recall from The Constant, when someone is traveling like Desmond did and like we can only assume Charlotte is in some fashion, they need something to keep them "constant" and for Desmond, it was Penny so I think Daniel was telling her he loved her to give her something constant to try and save her.

Okay, so that's a lot to digest. A few points, we still have no connection between Widmore and Ben. Ben is too young to have been on the island at this time, so we still need to see when, where and how they cross paths and what starts the feud. I also believe that everyone who has come to the island has had to have been there before, including Miles who I suspect could be the child of Dr. Marvin Candle. We also know that the Others like to chop off hands and Candle was missing a hand. Another odd thing, when the Losties were attacked on the beach, why did they run into the jungle? Wouldn't that mean that the flaming arrows came from the direction of the water? Also, if time unfolds as it's supposed to no matter what, as we are told by Faraday, why are Ben and Hawkins SO freaked out about getting back to the island? Does this mean that while you can't change the past, you can travel back and change the future because isn't that what Desmond is doing, changing the future? Are they afraid that if they don't get back to protect the island, Widmore will go back and blow it the hell up with that bomb? So many questions........

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I'm having a hair affair.

So, I want to talk a little bit about why I'm mad at my hair. Yeah, my hair and you wanna know why? Because I've spent the last few weeks contemplating my next hair move and I finally called yesterday to make an appointment and then today, what happens? My hair looks nice. It's shiny and not effected by the weather and generally flattering, which are all things that DON'T happen. My hair and I know each other well and we've had a very storied past. VERY STORIED. I don't tend to keep the same hair style or color for a very long time. Since my first perm in 5th grade (thanks, Jan), I've been coloring, cutting, growing, curling, straightening and whatever else I can think to do to my hair. I've been every shade of red, black, blonde and purple (don't ask), highlighted, low lighted, pixied, shagged (ZING!) and many more in between. However, since last year, I decided to grow it all out and try to have long hair like a sensible person. My hair does not like to be long. It's thin, frizzy and gets stringy at the drop of a hat and I am usually irritated with it (see Hawaii story) but I thought if I grew it out, it would be easier to manage. So I did and it's longer than it's been since about 2nd grade and that's all fine and good, but I'm bored with it. I need a change. I NEED it. So, I decided to get some highlights or perhaps revisit by inner redhead and chop off a good 6 inches so I made the call and all was well. WAS WELL. Today, my grown out dye job looks fresh and my bangs are laying perfectly and there is no sign of the stringy mess I woke up with. It's like it heard me call and was all "OHNOYOUDI'NT" and now it's all mad and toying with me. My hair is a jerk like that. Anyway, my point, if there is one in all this mess, is that now I don't know what to do. If I cancel, tomorrow my hair will turn back to shit and I'll be PISSED because my hairdresser is good and hard to get into and my appointment will be gone but if I don't, this good hair may continue just long enough to lull me into complacency and then IT'S OVER. It's nice, but it's just not what I want right now. It's like when you eat a really good dinner and there's some left and your pants are about to declare war on you if you don't stop eating but the food is so good so you feel compelled to keep eating just because you think you should so you do but then you look down at your gut hanging over and you're like "GAH! JUST STOP ALREADY." That's what it's like.

Anyways, this was in my brain and I had to get it out. I have issues.

Pancakes make me happy. HURRAH!

Pisces Wednesday, 28 January 2009
'If you are happy and you know it, clap your hands.' So goes the old song. But what if you are unhappy? Then clap them even louder. Find something, no matter how small, that you can genuinely and sincerely applaud. Summon appreciation and enthusiasm. From the depths of your being. Be as happy as you can be and you will soon discover that you are happier than you knew you were. Once you know that, though, you will be happy and you will know that you are happy - then you will be fully entitled to clap your hands.

What is this crap? Isn't the notion of being happy all relative and society's need to define it ridiculous? Isn't forcing everyone to be happy all the time counterproductive because when we aren't happy, we feel like failures which leads to further unhappiness? Haha....suck it happy.

So, we got about 35 feet of snow yesterday. Nah, but if you listened to the news people, that's how much we were going to get so EVERYONE FREAK OUT NOW. It's really pretty, and I can say that as someone who now works from home and who doesn't have to go out in it. It is hard to be cooped up here all day however. Max gets antsy when we're home too much and there could be a meltdown at any time. Monday was terrible and he was the crabbiest baby that ever lived. He (we) had been up since 10:30pm SUNDAY NIGHT, yes I said Sunday night, he refused to take anything resembling a nap and he also decided to say SCREW YOU FORMULA and refused to drink it. In fact, he would take the bottle and throw it down repeatedly so that it leaked all over my floor. I hope formula doesn't hurt dogs. Anyway, because of the impending blizzard, I also had to get to the grocery store because that's just what you do in that situation and he spent the whole time screaming and yelling because he didn't want to ride in the cart. I had to abandon my list and I just ran through throwing crap in my cart. I have no idea what I bought. We made it home and just as I was about to go clinically insane, Jeff came home so that I was free to go sit down, have a glass of wine and unwind. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No, that's not what happened. I did have a glass of wine but I gulped it down as I stood unloading the dishwasher while also making dinner. Then I ate, did some work, folded laundry, gave the kid a bath, convinced him that if he didn't do to bed his mommy would be in the loony bin and then I was out before I was even able to finish watching Rock of Love Bus. How will I know if she ever got the cheeseburger?

Anyway, yesterday was MUCH better and he was super cute and only fussed the normal amount and he took TWO NAPS (not by his choice), he also started to take his bottle again and he STOOD ON HIS OWN for about 4 seconds. I'm hoping to have him walking by the end of the week and doing complex math by next week. Then he can balance my checkbook. Good boy.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Feast your eyes on the cute.

So, I haven't posted pictures of the kid lately so here you go.

This cracks me UP! He looks like he's poop-smiling.

This is my favorite OF ALL TIME. He could not be any cuter if he tried.

No, I'm not cutting his bangs so don't bother asking.

Aww.....this rivals the other picture for cutest. He was in mid-splash.

Okay, you KNEW the mohawk was coming at some point. He's getting the real thing soon because that's just how he rolls, dig?

This has trouble written all over it.

He's giving me a kiss. With tongue.

Yeah, this isn't him but it's his new rug. It's super cute, no?

Friday, January 23, 2009

Lost Recap

So, for those of you who are new to the site, we here at Kimchi Central like to do a little thing we call Lost Recap, where we do things like recap the latest episode of Lost. I know the title is confusing but try to follow. If you don't watch Lost, you might want to entertain yourself by revisiting one of our classic posts such as "Get down with the sickness" or "Happy New Year 5 Days Late." Or you could decide that this recap is so riveting that you now MUST watch this show in which case I bid you welcome and good luck. It's been a long Lost drought and I spent most of the drought praying to the 4-toed statue that this season wouldn't suck. There is a lot to get through here so you might want to grab a snack. Let's roll..........

-So we begin back with the Dharma Initiative and creepy Dr.Marvin Candle, star of the illustrious Dharma station films. He seems like a real dick. We see his "normal" family, wife and kid, and know he lived on the compound during the birth of the initiative. Is he just the video dude or something more? Anyway, he gets interrupted during filming to come and check out some craziness encountered while building the Orchid station, which we now know holds the most power due to an unlimited supply of some kind of magic stuff that is within the rock. The construction dudes want to keep drilling but he says NO, stop because this shit will MESS YOU UP FOR REAL. They show a sonar of the rock wall and maybe I'm crazy, but it sure looked like the Statue of Liberty's head was in that wall. Hmm. All I know is if they find a talking ape riding a horse, I'm gonna be pissed. Anyway, the good doctor starts to leave and who does he bump into working down in the Orchid, why it's our good friend Faraday! WHA?

-Back to the future, which brings us to Unshaven Jack and Ben at the funeral home. Ben has convinced Unshaven Jack that the reason their lives have turned to crap is because they left the island, which wasn't supposed to happen. Since Unshaven's life IS a pile of crap, he agrees to gather the rest of the 6 and ride Ben's magical unicorn back to the island. Nah, but how the hell ARE they going to get back since Ben left through the mysterious light flash? Amtrak? Ben also tells Unshaven that they ALL have to go back, including zombie John Locke/Jeremy Bentham. Load him up! They go to a seedy motel, Jack shaves off his ZZ Top beard and they make their plan.

-Now it's 3 years earlier and we get to see what happened to the people left back when the island disappeared, which we know from the video in the finale, really didn't disappear, it time traveled. The light and sound happen like before and when it's over, we see Locke in the jungle alone, where he had just been with Richard and the others. And it's raining. We also see our pals on the beach, who have now realized that the flash took away their campsite and all their stuff. Sawyer is confused, as usual and he and Juliet try to figure out what's happening, including why the freighter is suddenly gone. Faraday returns on the zodiac, since there is no longer a freighter out in the water, and he tells them that the camp hasn't disappeared, it just hasn't been built yet. Oh sure, that's all.

-Back to the future and some men come to Kate's door with an order to get blood samples from her and Aaron. Uh oh. Flash back to the island and we see Locke make his way to a hilltop where a plane almost chops his head off as it crash lands. Oh yeah, and a virgin Mary falls out as it goes by. Yep, it's Yemi's plane so this means we are pretty darn far back in time. He tries to climb up to the plane and gets shot in the leg by Ethan, who has no idea who he is. Ethan almost kills him but the flash happens again and he's back alone but now it's dark. The other people are also in the dark trying to find a man-made structure and since hillbilly Sawyer won't shaddup, Faraday tries to explain that the flashes mean they are in essence, bouncing through time randomly. It's like Quantum Leap but without the heartwarming lessons.

-Back to the future, we see Sun trying to fly to LA but she's detained by Widmore, who is pissed. She tells him she wants to kill Ben just like he does so now they are besties. Nah, but Sun is probably turning slightly bad right now.

-We now meet up with future Hurley and Sayid, who in a nutshell, break Hurley out of the nuthouse, kill some dudes who were going to kill them, Sayid takes a tranquilizer dart to the throat and Hurley has to buck up and get them to safety. Hurley, also makes the mistake of being seen holding a gun so everyone thinks he killed the dudes. They are on the run.

-Back in the past jungle, Richard finds Locke, dresses his gunshot which John DIDN'T tell him about yet and then tells him that the next time he sees him he won't recognize him because of the whole time thing so he gives him a compass. John asks what it does and Richard replies "it points North, John." OH SNAP! On a side note, I'm starting to have a little crush on Richard. He wears eyeliner and it's sexy. Richard tells him that the survivors are already home (how does he know that) and that the only way to save the island is to get them back and the only way to do that is to DIE. Ouch. We also see the other peeps and they have found the pre-exploded hatch. Sawyer's all "I'm goin' in the back door, ya'll. Dezzie will let me in" and Faraday explains that no, it won't work but Sawyer argues (of course) and bangs on the door anyway and Faraday tells him that in time travel, if something didn't happen in the past, it can't happen now. Time travel is like a street you can only go forward or backward on, no turns, meaning that whatever happened happened and you can't change the past because your efforts will never work. So, this explains quite a bit. The reason the future lives suck is because they left the island, which wasn't supposed to happen, which means it had already happened at some point, and which means that there is some monumental reason for them to stay on the island but what is that reason? WHY do they have to go back? This is important, people, VERY IMPORTANT. No turns and they made a big turn. We also notice that Charlotte is acting strange and asI recall, she mentioned coming to the island as a homecoming so my thought is that she was perhaps born there but doesn't know it or something. Thoughts? Faraday decided to buck tradition and he finds past Desmond, who we know is "special" and immune to this time stuff and he tells him to go to Oxford, which we know is what he did in "The Constant." Ahh, the pieces coming together.

Next Episode (I told you this sucker was long)

-Future Hurley is still on the run with passed out Sayid, gets pulled over by zombie Ana Lucia, who tells him not to get caught or arrested and that he needs to get himself and Sayid somewhere safe. Since he sees the dead all the time, I am still wondering if this is real or what. He goes to his house, where is parents are worried that he is on the lam and that he's out of the nuthouse. We also see the past survivors try to start fires back on the island, future Kate on the run with Aaron take a call from someone she goes to meet and Jack and Ben still in the hotel. Ben pulls a box out of the air duct and we don't know what it is. It's important, though, I guarantee that. Ben tells him he needs to take care of zombie Locke while Jack goes to get his crap since he's "never coming back." Now, I don't really believe that John is dead. I don't know why but I just don't.

-Back at future Hurley's house, his dad Cheech helps him and Sayid by eluding the fuzz and finding Jack to help Sayid. We also see Kate meet her mystery date, which turns out to be Sun and we see Ben drop off zombie Locke at the butcher shop. SOYLENT GREEN! No, but there is a woman there named Jill who knows Ben and who knows what to do with zombie Locke. I am speculating that she is like Ben and is involved in this plan to get back to the island.

-Back on the past island, the survivors are suddenly being pelted with flaming arrows on the beach, losing many in the scuffle, including Neil who was just there to die like Arnst. Sorry dude. Future Kate meets Sun who tells her that she doesn't blame her for Jin's death (sorta in an evil way) and that Kate should do whatever it takes to protect Aaron, implying that she should kill the men trying to take him. We also see Hurley spill the beans to his mom about what really happened on the island and she says she believes him but I think she thinks he's still crazy. Jack helps Sayid and then Ben visits Hurley, who freaks out and runs out to the cops who are staking out his house and gets arrested. Not good, dude.

-On past island, Sawyer and Juliet get caught by some dudes who may or may not be Dharma but they're mean either way and just as they go to cut off her hand, Locke kills him. We also see a woman doing some really hard math who goes to Ben and we see she is the old lady from before and now we know that she too, is probably from the island and trying to get back. All this means to me that this isn't really about the survivors, it's about Ben and the other people. They need the survivors to go back to reset time so they can finish whatever they are doing. In fact, I don't really know if I believe that the plane at the bottom of the ocean WAS planted, maybe it's what really happened in some reality and their fate was to die in the crash. Since you can't change what's supposed to happen, maybe they have to go back to the island to die in order for the island to keep on doing what it's doing.

AAAAAAAGGGHHH.......this has been too much. I need more coffee. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Thursday, January 22, 2009


So, Lost premiered last night. THANK YOU LORD! It's been sooooooooo long, my sweet love. As I did in previous seasons, I plan on posting recaps every week. Since last night was a double episode and my brain is still trying to unfold itself from the fetal position from the MIND BLOWING escapades, the recap will probably come tomorrow. Sorry but my jello brain can only process so much these days and there was A LOT of stuff to weed through. Just a few highlights to whet your whistle:

-Sawyer, stop being an annoying hillbilly. You have obviously seen some weird happenings on this island so stopping and asking Faraday "durh, wut's goin' on? Where's mah camp?" every 5 seconds and not heeding his warning to shut up and get to the Orchid is GETTING OLD.

-Sun, are you good or bad? I can't figure it out. You seem so nice and of course I love you more since you're Korean but DAMN GIRL, you cold.

-Hurley, you are dumb. Didn't zombie Ana Lucia's warning to NOT GET ARRESTED sink in to your cheeseburger brain? Well done on getting yourself arrested. Good move.

-Neil, sorry your only purpose was to be set on fire with an arrow. Tough break.

That's all for now. Lost, you complete me.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Turn and face the strange

Pisces, 1/21/09
The credit crunch hasn't gone away yet. There is still conflict in the Middle-East. The threat of global warming still hangs over the world. But at least now we have an American president who actually acknowledges that it is an issue. Things look as if they could be about to get a little better. Often, in life, one hopeful sign or signal is all it takes to turn a bleak prognosis into a positive prediction. In your life, too, one key factor is now significantly different. From that, all else you need can yet come.

So, I made a pretty major change in my life yesterday. Jeff and I decided that I was going to leave my full-time job. YIKES! As you can see above, I apparently am living in some kind of bizarre world where my life is told through horoscopes. Go back and read yesterday's, too. It's freaky, man. It said I was going to do something to make a fresh start or something. I'm too lazy to scroll down so I'm paraphrasing here. That's weird. Change is funny. People hate change and yet change is what makes life interesting. I get antsy when things stay the same for too long. I know that drives people BANANAS because I'm usually all over the map with stuff but that's just how I roll, people. Live it.

So where was I? Ah yes, my job. A lot of factors went into this decision and considering I had JUST started there in August after toiling away for 5 long years for my 2-year degree, you can imagine it was slightly harder than deciding what to eat for dinner. Which, let me tell ya, can be a tough one. Some days I just don't want anything we have, even though I do all the shopping so really everything SHOULD be stuff I want to eat but it's not. It drives Jeff crazy because he would eat the same dinner every night and be fine. I am difficult and complicated. He is not. Anyway, Max was having issue after issue in daycare and after watching other kids throw up on toys my kid was going to put in his mouth, I was done. In addition to that, I found that the days I was at work, by about 2:30pm, I was almost unable to keep my eyes open since Max wakes up every night at oh, about 2am and we fight to get him back down for the next hour or two or sometimes we're just up for the day so I am perpetually tired and my brain is cream of wheat. This happens EVERY NIGHT. Last night he was up and crying so hard he didn't sound human anymore. Sometimes he freaks me out because he sounds like the girl from The Exorcist when she's really pissed at the priest and makes these crazy sounds. I half expect to see him levitate and start to speak in my mother' voice.
The main reason we did this is simply because this is our only shot as parents because we're old and broke and I want to spend as much time with him as I can. I want to be able to go to the zoo and have playdates and all that shit. I'm still going to work part-time at home doing marketing and advertising stuff for them but that's pretty much it. I'm nervous about the whole thing but honestly, I think things happen for a reason so I'm going on the notion that this change will also allow me to pursue my cakes down the road so that when Max goes to school, I'll be a kick-ass cake shop owner. That's the dream, anyway. That and moving to Hawaii, which WILL HAPPEN at some point in my life. WHERE ARE YOU LOTTO WHEN I NEED YOU?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Yesterday was the most depressing day of the year according to scientists. What does that make today?

Pisces Tuesday, 20 January 2009
"The true test... is whether chance of birth or circumstance decides life's big winners and losers, or whether we build a community where... everyone has a chance to work hard, get ahead, and reach their dreams." Barack Obama was talking here about his vision for the USA. But you could read these words as a commentary on fate versus free will. Are we destined to accept whatever life gives us? Or can we strive to make the most of our potential? Today brings the USA a new president and it brings you a new start.

Now, I don't know if this dude sneaks into my brain while I'm sleeping or what because this is getting really ridiculous. STOP STALKING MY THOUGHTS. Today is significant for me as far as my future is concerned. Or part of my future anyway. That's all I can say for now. I've also adopted a personal mantra:

Hold your own
Know your name
Go your own way
And everything will be fine

It's song lyrics, which is totally gay but I like them and I heard them at a time when I needed to so that's that. ENOUGH OF THIS OPRAH SHIT. Get on with your day.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Road trip part deux, the sequel.

Pisces 1/19/09
Sometimes, you can race round like a maniac for days and get next to nothing done. Sometimes, you can sit very still and appear to be going nowhere, only to realise, when you finally stop, that you have moved a mountain. You are now in a position to enjoy the latter, far preferable experience. Don't feel that you need to plough a great deal of energy and effort into any situation. All that's needed is some calm, careful, clever thought and concentration. Apply that and soon, success will be yours.

Hmm...this is interesting. Does this mean I can now move thing telekinetically because that's totally kick-ass if so. Wait, let me try. No, it didn't work. My pen is still on the other table. When I was about 12, there was a book I loved called "The Girl With The Silver Eyes" and it was about a girl who's mom was exposed to thalidomide during pregnancy and it gave the girl telekinetic powers. I used to read it over and over and hope that somehow I would also obtain such powers through READING (hear that kids, READING IS COOL!) but sadly Jan did not take scary untested fertility drugs in the 70s so I have no power to move things with my mind. Moving on (with my mind!)...

So we finally went to get Jeff''s car this weekend. Here are a couple of atrocious pictures:

I really have no business taking pictures of anything. Anyway, it's pretty cool and the inside is equally nice and it's FAST so I'm going to have to get some Dramamine to be able to ride in it. Car sickness is no joke, people. The previous owner took VERY good care of it and it shows as there isn't a scratch on the thing. The only problem is that it has summer tires and we live in the Midwest so the drive home was slightly treacherous for him until we were almost to Bloomington. Apparently, they turn into solid rocks in the cold and they have zero traction in any kind of snow. Fabulous. We were only at the dealer for about 20 minutes since he did the deal beforehand, which left me more time at Ikea. YES! I didn't go crazy or anything, in fact we were there a record 40 minutes. Last time we were there for about 2+ hours and I thought that was short. Things would be SO much easier if they just built a goddamn Ikea HERE. DO YOU HEAR ME IKEA OVERLORDS?

Anyway, that's that and the car's cool and he is happy so that's what's important. I would like to send out a big OH YEAH to LM in regards to the Cardinals advancing to the Superbowl yesterday. Now I hate sports so I couldn't give a crap, but she is a die-hard fan and has stuck by them through thick and thin, well more like thin and thin but whatever, she is a SUPERFAN and I am so glad she gets this experience. GO CARDINALS!!!!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

There isn't enough Pantene in the world to get rid of the smell

So, let me give you a little taste of how awesome and glamorous my life is today. I've been up since 1:30am, I haven't had a shower since 5am Tuesday morning, my hair is caked with dried puke because Max has been projectile vomiting all morning, mostly on me, my carpet is also covered in puke and I'm almost out of Spot Shot, I have a pile of laundry roughly the size of a Volkswagen and I am down to my last pair of puke or snot-free pants and I am desperately trying to get work done but he has decided that it's more fun to sit in his playpen and scream his lungs out because he didn't get enough of that in the middle of the night.

Hey, don't be jealous. I can't help it that I'm this awesome. Chill.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Get down with the sickness

So, yesterday I got a phone call from day care. It was day two in the joint, and he'd only been there for about 4 hours and had managed to projectile vomit YET AGAIN all over the day care workers. I was in a meeting and my phone was ringing, apparently the ringer volume was on JET ENGINE level since it could be heard all over the office (note to self, turn down ringer), and I just had some kind of spidey/mom sense kick in that made me think it was them so as soon as I could, I ran back to my desk as sure enough, the number was flashing as a missed call. When I called back, the girl was very nice but I could tell in her voice that things were not well. She said he was fussy all morning and then when she laid him down for his nap, he went down in the crib and just looked up at her. That is not normal. We usually have to bribe him or put him to sleep before even looking at the crib. At first she was like "what a good boy!' but then realized he was just lying there like a piece of spaghetti. She picked him up and was met with a mouthful. Okay fine. She cleaned that up and put him back down and BLAAAAAH, more came up all over the crib. She picked him up again, cleaned him and the crib up and decided to rock him. That was a bad plan. After a few minutes, he turned to look at her and threw up so much and so forcefully, she said it was IN HER BRA. That's when she called me.

The doctor said he probably has the same virus he had before BUT WAIT, there's more. He also has a nasty respiratory infection so not only are we on gooey-poo alert, but he is also expelling MASSIVE amounts of snot. It's like a nose faucet. You grab it with a kleenex and try to wipe but more keeps coming, like it's attached to his brain and the more you pull, the more comes out and the best part is that he HATES having his nose wiped so I'm trying to pull this snot string out of his nose while he's thrashing his head around and screaming. Most of it has ended up on my shirt, his face and possibly the dog, not so much in the kleenex. He's also coughing, usually right about when he's 2.5 inches from my face so I've had many a fluid sprayed at me. I need a silkwood shower.

Anyway, as long as he stays gooey-poo free for the rest of the day (PLEASE LET THIS HAPPEN), he can go back to day care tomorrow where he'll probably bring something poopier and snottier home to me. FANTASTIC!

UPDATE: As I'm sure you're as interested in the pooping habits of my son as I am, you should know that BINGO, we have gooey-poo. Not only that but it is BRIGHT GREEN. This is hopefully from the "grape" food coloring in his pedialite and not due to him being an alien and no one told me. So, no day care tomorrow. Fabulous. This week just keeps getting better.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Pisces 1/13/09
What difference can you make? How can you change the world? What decision can you come to? What influence can you bring to bear? What power can you wield? Don't imagine that you are hopeless or helpless. In one key area of life, you are now exceptionally well placed to perform a minor miracle. You have got good connections and you have more support than you realise. Use it wisely, but don't feel that somehow, you must stand by and watch passively while something occurs that is beyond your control.

I can't explain in words how much I want this to be true. I just can't even explain.

Monday, January 12, 2009

The best laid plans............

So, things don't generally go as planned for us. See, Jeff's been threatening to buy a new car for about 3 years now and he finally found one he liked that was a good deal and had all the gadgets and shiny stuff that he wanted. The problem was that it's at a dealership in a suburb of Chicago. Okay, we can deal, we'll take a little road trip and get the car. So he spent hours on the phone last week with the guy wheeling and dealing (not really, we are not good at haggling or bargaining or any of that crap) and got the deal done, put down a deposit and then BAM, Bob's your uncle. The plan was to leave Saturday morning, drive to the dealership, get the car, swing through Ikea (I have an ADDICTION to inexpensive Swedish furnishings. Don't judge), eat some Portillo's beef and then crash at the hotel for the night. Jeff had to work early in the morning on Saturday so I got up and spent a few hours frantically getting me and the kid ready, which meant packing every conceivable thing he would need which was EVERYTHING and by 9am, we were ready. Jeff got home, we packed the car, headed to my sister's to drop off the dogs and then off we went. Well, sorta. We got a call from my mom just as we got on the road telling us that they were getting a BLIZZARD in Chicago. Now, with my mom this could mean 2 inches or 3 feet (Jan, you know it's true) so I checked the weather channel in my trusty iPhone (yeah, I said iPhone. It's totally effing cool, too) and they told me that they were expecting an inch or so. Hmm.. someone is LYING.

We parked and pondered what to do and finally called my sister for weather confirmation since she is a weather guru. She got online and confirmed that they WERE indeed getting some stupid ass blizzard and that they already had 5 inches on the ground from Friday night and were expecting 5+ more that afternoon. CRAP. We were also going to be driving right into the storm like a bad movie. SUPER. We hung up and sat in silence for a minute before declaring the trip cancelled and then the subject switched to eating delicious White Castles to soothe our disappointment. We called the dealer and they are holding the car until NEXT Saturday, when we try this again. This time grandma Jan and Aunt Laura are going to get their first taste of babysitting so we can get this bitch done in one day. For 14 hours. Lord help them.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Anyone else bothered by the Charmin commercial featuring the cartoon bear with toilet paper bits stuck to it's arse? Anyways....

Yeah, that title has nothing to do with anything other than my annoyance that the bear has toilet paper bits stuck to it's ass in full view. It happens, but please keep that shit private. In other news...

So I haven't posted a horoscope lately since it's been BABY CENTRAL here so it's high time I did. Here's what it says today:

Pisces, 1/7/09
With each passing day the new year brings you more to think about. More information arrives. More understanding emerges. You have to think differently about the past now that you recognise what it has led to. You will think differently again as the events of the coming weeks and months unfold. Jump to no conclusions. Remain open-minded. Just be genuinely relaxed and confident about the factors and forces that have led you to where you are now. These are your friends, not your enemies. There's a Solar eclipse on due on 26th January. Be ready for this life changing astrological alignment.

I can't really divulge much detail, but suffice it say, this horoscope is EERILY ACCURATE. As usual. Things in my life have been topsy-turvy for the last month or so and amidst all the chaos, I have made many revelations. One of those is that I miss sleep. Seriously. I miss it like I miss my youth. I have been told that I have to break up with sleep for the next 18 YEARS or so which sucks on astronomical levels. Max does not miss it because he never loved it the way I loved it so the fact that he is up most of the night flipping sleep the bird does not bother him. He is a stinker! Anyway, the rest of my revelations are actually important so it's none of your beezwax right now. You'll find out in good time.

On another note, today is day two of The Great Daycare Experiment of 2009. Yes, he's in daycare and IT SUCKS. I hate it. Before he came I was all "oh pish posh, I'm a working girl like Melanie Griffith and I have no desire to sit at home and talk gibberish to a drooling baby all the live long day" but DAMN, that's not happening. I miss his little screaming butt and it broke my cold, black heart to leave him but unfortunately, it has to happen. He was okay yesterday but it was only an hour. Today he wasn't so thrilled to see me go and the look on his face was like the way a dog looks at you when you are perusing them at the pound. Sad eyes, turn the other way. Today was just a 3 hour tour minus the coconut radio but tomorrow is the full meal deal. Gulp. Hold me.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Happy New Year 5 Days Late

So we had an interesting start to 2009. Instead of nursing a hangover and bemoaning the ridiculous amount of food I was able to consume in one evening like I did last year, this year we spent it in the ER. Max got some kind of viral infection in his intestines and became severely dehydrated VERY FAST so off we went. It started with PROJECTILE VOMITING, yes I'm totally serious, and soon made it's way down below in the form of EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA. In the last 3 weeks, we've had a crash course in parenting involving every sleeping issue you can imagine, several illnesses, attachment and bonding, food issues, etc. I'm now expecting him to learn to speak and ask me where babies come from or what's that thing between my legs just to round things out. The trip to the hospital was the scariest because he went from okay to not okay in about 30 minutes flat. I had no idea that poop could do so much damage. He had to get an IV, as you can see below, and after that went in, he made a turn for the better. He's still having issues and we're probably headed to the doctor AGAIN today so yippee for me.