Friday, January 18, 2008

It's FabuLESS

I just returned from running my errands. "Running errands" sounds so grown-up, doesn't it? (That sounds weird to everyone but a few people so disregard.) I went to Target first to buy a new scale so I can continue my path of self-loathing. Now, I will totally admit that I used to be a "sometimes" Target shopper and a "most of the time" walmart shopper, primarily because it's usually cheaper and I'm cheap these days, but I've grown tired of the trashiness of my walmart. When I was a kid my grandparents lived in the country and the only store around was a walmart so I grew up going there. They even carried the "Frankie Says Relax" shirts in various neon colors so I was FINE with going there. Then they built a SUPER walmart and it was very nice and clean and the people were nice and I was content to give them my money. However, since my granny isn't with me anymore, I don't go to that walmart, I go to the walmart near my house, which is just awful. It's pretty new and SHOULD be nice and friendly but it's a broke-ass mess and the employees couldn't possibly care LESS about you and they just leave stacks of stuff in the aisles and you can't get around and the checkers are beyond slow and I could go on. I went there over Christmas and when I literally couldn't get my cart through the aisles and then had to wait in line for 20 minutes because the checker/shopper combo in front of me was laughably slow and no one seemed interested in speeding up the process, I decided that I was done with it. Of course, I'm still cheap so I've had to run in a couple of times but it's been short and I haven't bought much. I decided that I would try to go to Target only, even though I have to pay a smidge more, so that I can have a pleasant shopping experience. Well, my new boyfriend Target and I were getting along great until today. I was leaving the store with my hateful new scale and I happened to glance over into the "Target Cafe" as I walked by. First off, Target, you are no Auntie Anne's, so quit with the overpriced "gourmet pretzels". They taste like bread I found in my yard that the birds wouldn't even eat. Anyway, as I glanced into the cafe, I saw that Target saw fit to install a GIANT GLOWING BLUE BUG ZAPPPER right there on the wall. Granted, the doors are nearby but really, in the cafe, and how did I not see this before? There was a woman sitting about 2 feet below it eating her disgusting pretzel and all I could think of was the snowshower of dead gnats that could be falling on her. Eww. Target, I'm trying to love you so help me out here. Put the zapper somewhere where it isn't associated with lunch, mmkay?

After that I went into "the loop", which, for those readers not from here (oh hell, they're aren't any, right?), is an area filled with pretentious hipsters and people that wish they were as cool as they think they are, along with some shops, restaurants, bars, etc. I wanted to finally get my nose piercing fixed because I'm sick of the silver dangler that keeps poking out so I went to the tattoo parlor and this very nice young man took it out and bent it so it would lay better and only charged me $8 to do so. So far so good, but if it comes out again I'll have to buy something new to shove in there. The good part is that it's totally healed and I felt nothing when he took it out and put it back in. I was thisclose to buying a wee-tiny little hoop to replace the stud but I was afraid I would look like a tribesman and then I'd have to get a matching lip plate and those don't seem very flattering. I'm still intrigued by it, though and you never know with me. The best part is that it's cold out so my nose is runny and I kept apologizing to the piercer guy and he was like "hey, don't worry about it, I don't see any chunks so it's fine." I almost peed myself.

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