Monday, February 2, 2009

Who knew it would have such force?

Pisces, 2/2/09
It is all getting very interesting. You are fascinated by a recent development. You want to know as much as you can about a certain person or a particular opportunity. To what extent, though, are you like a fish, following a baited hook? Is it really possible just to take a small nibble without getting caught? And might you be better advised to focus on something which is a little less immediately attractive yet a lot more likely to keep you safe and secure? Look more carefully at what your object of obsession is attached to!

Oh great, so if something good comes my way I'm supposed to be skeptical of it?? How is that awesome? I have enough paranoia and anxiety horoscope man, I don't need any more. However, I AM intrigued and fascinated by this shiny prospect. Uh oh. Hook, line and sinker.

So, yesterday was the Superbowl. I couldn't give a crap about sports but I was pulling for the Cardinals for my friend LM. That and the Steelers just seems like jerks. Anyway, sorry for the Cards, it was SO CLOSE and we were on the edge of our seat (er, couch) but alas, it was not to be. I really just watch for the commercials but I didn't think they were anything special so for me overall, Superbowl=FAIL. I liked the MacGruber/Pepsuber one but I had already seen that on the SNL sports special on Friday night. We spent the day at my sisters eating delicious BBQ. I love BBQ, especially ribs and pulled pork. Jeff makes a mean BBQ sauce and I'm already working on him to make up a big giant batch once it's warm enough to grill. Mmmm....oh, where was I?

Oh yeah, after we got home, which was early because Max was slightly crabby and by slightly, I mean VERY and I figured I had subjected his aunt and uncle to enough of that crap, we were getting the car unloaded and suddenly there was a smell. It was bad. REALLY BAD. It was coming from the kid, of course. I had already put him in his jammies before we came home because I knew he'd be tired so I laid him down to change him, which he was not happy about and it took every toy nearby to keep him occupied and when I went to pull his pants down, I felt something wet at the waistband. That is never good. NEVER. I took the pants down and saw that the source of the smell had squished out THE TOP of the diaper. If it's coming out the top, you need to beware because this shit means business. Off came the jammies and I got the supplies ready for the excavation and Jeff walked by the bedroom and was like "ew, what's going on?" and I was like "come and help me. It's coming out the top." He came in and held his legs up while I got the diaper off and the poop wiped up and as I went to put the sick diaper in the pail, he yelled "OH GOD, MORE IS COMING OUT, MORE IS COMING OUT!" and I turned to see more poop SHOOTING out of his behind. Imagine a full bottle of ketchup on it's side and then you take the cap off and stomp on the bottle. THAT'S WHAT IT WAS LIKE. It shot out about a foot on to the carpet (of course) and we were both in shock and paralyzed from the hilarity. Now I had poop on the carpet, poop on his foot where he had put it down in the carpet and a naked baby rolling around on the floor with some poop still on him and the propensity to pee AT ANY MOMENT. Jeff got the stain and I corralled the kid and eventually we got him in some new jammies, poop free. We have now seen every type of fluid at every level of viscosity project itself from this child. We can handle anything, now.

1 comment:

Allie said...

You are so funny! I'm glad you can see the hilarity in projectile poop. I hope the little guy is feeling better!

Those horoscopes never cease to freak me out.