Wednesday, May 14, 2008

people are watching me

Okay, I need to stop watching goddamn Lost because it is turning me into a paranoid conspiracy theorist. I had to venture out today to get an oil change and I was waiting to get on the highway and took note of the car in front of me. It was an Infiniti G35 or whatever and the passengers were two men with business shirts on. I know, it's riveting but stay with me. I went and got the oil change ( along with a heads-up about a freaking NAIL in my tire, thankyouverymuch) and I went to Lowes to get grout. When I was getting off the highway to come home, I happened to notice the car in front of me. It was an Infiniti G35. Upon futher inspection, I saw that it was the SAME one from before and still contained two men in business shirts. What does this mean, you ask? That is the same question I asked myself as I waited for the dang light to change and I concluded that it means absolutely nothing. It's a random coincidence. BUT IT'S STILL WEIRD.

On a related note, just to further demonstrate my paranoia, the other day I got an email from DHL saying that a package had been sent to me from someone called E. Reynolds. I don't know any E. Reynolds and the prospect of a package from that person was alarming. Jeff pointed out that perhaps it was a graduation present but I reminded him that I do not know any E. Reynolds so why would a random person send me a package via DHL?! I tried to track it but nothing came up which just made it worse. I figured that I would get a big box with a head in it or some shit. Great. That's just what I need. A bloody head. Anyway, I freaked out on it a bit and then forgot about it until Jeff called me yesterday. This was the convo:

Jeff: Hey remember the mysterious DHL package you were worried about? You know, the head you are supposedly getting in the mail?

me: Yes, I am aware of this.

Jeff: Well, your sister tracked down the package.

me: "gasp" REALLY?! Who the hell sent it?

Jeff: Well, your sister said the info was "TJ Low Body" and it IS from an E. Reynolds.

me: WHAT THE HELL?! A body?

Jeff: Um yeah, remember the Turbo Jam Lower Body workout DVD you bought on Amazon Marketplace the other day? Yeah hon, you do the math.

me: "silent pause" I guess that means there's no severed head, huh?

And he stays married to me. That's the real lesson here. Not that I'm paranoid over receiving severed heads in the mail, it's that he understands this about me and still loves me.

I'm still keepin' my eye on that Infiniti, though.

4 comments:

LM said...

Indeed you do seem a little paranoid. I can see how a lot of Lost could do that to a person. I will say, I was wondering if there was a weird planetary alignment or something after several weird sightings in a row last Saturday. First, I drove by a Grimmace. Yes, the large, purple, Barney-like creature. Granted, it was in front of a McD's, but still, has anyone seen an actual Grimmace in front of a McD's waving since 1978? I waved back. Then, about 20 minutes later, I'm in a store waiting to check out and a little girl a few registers down in line with her mom just stood there and peed all over the floor. She just peed and then her and her mom paid and left, and it took several minutes too long before anyone came out to clean it up. While everyone stood and looked at the pee puddle. Then about 20 min. after that I was driving by city hall in the loop and there were about 25-30pp on the corner there protesting Scientology. They had homemade posters such as "honk if you think Scientology is a cult". I honked. It was just odd and I have no idea why they were in that spot on that day. Nor do I know why some of them were swilling tall-boy beers while doing it. That made it rather funny. Then further down Delmar as I'm looking for a place to park, I see a group of young men walking down the sidewalk, all wearing the same outfit and these weird and sorta creepy Asian-guy masks. Their shirts were red with a gold symbol of some sort on the left lapel. Sort of Star Trekish. They were just walking and their masks were smiling and it was as if nothing was awry. Then, coming out of the store only 15 min. later, the freaky Asian crew DRIVES BY ME. On my side of the street. After they had just been walking the opposite way only 15 min. before. That freaked me out a little and I started feeling paranoid, wondering why I'm attracting these freakish experiences, and IN A ROW. I also wondered if there were multiple groups of these freaky, smiling pseudoAsians around town, and if so, do they come in peace? So I waved at them as they drove by, and they waved back and they didn't hurt me or accost me. And then I went home so as not to push my luck any more.

amy & jeff said...

Jesus Mother Earth. That's a whole lotta weird all in one sitting. I do think that there has been some kind of planetary kookiness at hand. Things have just been really weird. That's the only way to describe it.

Gwen said...

Amy: Jeff truly is the best straight man in the world for you! You two kill me!

Lara: That was a whole lotta weird in one afternoon! "Pee puddle" cracked me up.

Allie said...

Oh! I thought I was the only person who freaks out about packages/certified letters I'm not expecting. Phew!