Fight Club

Well, this was quite a weekend. As you know from his very sweet post, I finally graduated on Saturday. The ceremony was long and boring but I was really proud to walk in it and thanks to LM, Liz, Gwen, my hubs and family for enduring the boredom to support me. It really meant a lot and thanks for your awesome gifts, especially to the world's greatest husband who bought me my very first laptop.

On Sunday, my little sister graduated from high school so it was a double boring ceremony weekend. Her ceremony was a little more interesting at the end because my sister and I almost got in a fight. Well, we WANTED to get in a fight but it didn't work out. See, my dad lives in the same nice cushy suburb that I grew up in and my sister went to my old high school. It's your stereotypical big suburban high school but the area has grown tremendously since I lived there 15 years ago and is now like a super mega suburb filled with McMansions and gigantic cars and shopping centers everywhere you turn. Now, I don't mean to hate on the burbs. I can see the appeal to some people, in fact I have several close friends who live out there and hell, I grew up there, but I just can't get on board with it. That's not to say that I just love my weird-ass city neighbors, but the level of pretension here is significantly lower. I encountered some of the rudest individuals I have ever met at that graduation. If it wasn't someone walking into a picture, or at one point, just STANDING in our picture having a cell phone conversation and not even bothering to say excuse me upon this realization, it was someone pushing or complaining or LOUDLY talking on their cellphone or whatever. The ultimate, however, came right after the ceremony ended. Before they read the names, the man asked that we hold applause until they had finished reading all 500 names so that each student may hear their name. Now, I think this is a dumb rule. This is a big day for them and their families and not letting them show it just so they can shave off 15 minutes just doesn't seem fair. I apparently, was not alone in thinking this way. After they read the first few names, you soon started hearing a random "WOO" or "YEAH" after some of the names. It was VERY BRIEF and quite frankly made the whole thing a lot more interesting than just hearing the names drone on and on. I leaned over to my sister and said "we're gonna woo-hoo, right?" and she's like "um, yeah" so we informed my dad who smiled. When they called Jesica's name, we went "WOO" and my stepmom clapped TWICE. That was it, it lasted less than a second and the next name was heard by everyone. Well, by the time they got to name 350, the crowd was getting restless and some of the cheers were louder and longer than they needed to be but whatevr. Who know, this may have been the first person in their family to graduate so let them be proud. Anyway, the thing finally ended and as we were standing there waititng to exit our row, this woman who had been sitting behind us suddenly came up to my stepmom and grabbed her arm. I was standing next to them but it was loud and I kind of just thought they maybe knew each other or something and all I could make out over the crowd noise was the words "clapping" and "dignity" and my stepmom responding with a "thank you." My stepmom leaned over to me and said "what a bitch" and I was like "what did she say?" She had grabbed my stepmom's arm and said "I would just like to say that your excessive clapping really took away from the dignity of the students and the ceremony." My stepmom was so stunned by her bitchery that all she could respond with was "thank you." My sister and I immediately got our bitch-face on and scanned the crowd for her but all that we got in was my sister mouthing some choice words to her, which WE KNOW she saw because they abruptly left after. I could not believe that someone would be such a pill as to go up to someone and scold them like a little kid. This woman appeared to have a 60 foot pole shoved up her ass to begin with, so we shouldn't have been surprised. My dad said that every time someone clapped or whatevr, he could hear her behind us tsk-tsking about how no one can follow rules these days. He said that if the guy had told us to sit on our hands, you better believe she would have. Stupid rule-following be-yotch. Here's a messsage for you:

Jesus lady, CHILL. It's not a big deal and you probably spent so much time worrying about what everyone around you was doing wrong that you didn't even enjoy your own child's graduation, although from the looks of you, it doesn't appear that you enjoy ANYTHING, which I'm sure will have nothing to do with your child fleeing your home at the first chance so they can go and LIVE their lives without your oppression.

Too harsh? Nah. We spent the rest of the evening asking my stepmom to please give us our dignity back. She refused.

Oh, and another thing. What's the deal with teenage girls wearing clothes that barely cover their buttcheeks? Seriously. We say MANY 17-18 year old girls wearing dresses that were so short they could have had a drive-by pap smear. And their parents LET THEM. One girl's dress was so short that you could literally see her entire lady area when she bent down to fix her shoe. Why are they allowed out like this? Am I just a total prude? I wore some crazy stuff in my day but I never had my ass falling out of anything. Hey ladies, I'm 99% sure that the "dresses" you had on were in fact just shirts, in which case, WEAR SOME GODDAMN PANTS.