Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Rock of Love Recap

We are now down to the final three, wonk-eye-fish-lips Daisy, overtly-sexual-groupie Destiney and seemingly-normal-but-not-quite Ambre. It was parent's weekend, which unlike the classier Bachelor show, usually means that someone has mommy/daddy issues and will have some random non-family member show up because their real families don't speak to them anymore. This season it was Daisy( I wish I could show you my impression of her becuause I did it in class yesterday and judging by the laughter, IT IS GOOD), which I actually found funny since she made a point early on to make sur ethey knew she was related to Oscar de la Hoya. She left out the rest. Anyway, the parent's showed up and Daisy get's her ex-boyfriend's sister as her family memebr. Yeah, that's totally normal. They went to dinner and Bret was having some issues with that small fact and Daisy just can't understand why he won't trust her.'re a slut, you've "hung out with" other Poison band members prior to this and you live with your ex-boyfriend in a one-bedroom. I don't really see what his problem is. He's so sensitive.
Ambre's and Destiney's were pretty normal. Destiney's parents were, um, how do you say, simple folk? Around here where I live, we call them hoosiers, but I think the rest of the country calls them white trash, which I don't really feel works here because they were really nice, just um, kind of...rural. Anyway, the super sad part was that the dad was dying of cancer so Bret took them out on motorcycles and then they went and got Destiney a tattoo. She went for classy and got the Rock of Love logo on her neck. I'm sure she will NEVER regret doing that, Ever. Anyway, they seem really proud of their stripper-esque daughter so that was nice.
Ambre's dad was kind of a simple southern man but he seemed alright and there was really no drama UNTIL.....he told Bret that Ambre was actually 37! THE HORROR! They then cut to a clip of her telling Bret she was 32, which, no offense to you Ambre, was quite a stretch since she looks at least 35. Anyway, Bret was all OH MY GOD SHE LIED TO ME, which I found reeeeeeally funny because his ass is 44 and I could tell that he was more pissed that she was actually 37 and he might like someone his OWN age and less pissed that she lied about it. I mean come on, women lie about their ages. To this day I still don't know how old one of my grandmas is and that's just how she likes it. Anyway, he confronted her on the date like it was some big major secret and she got all freaked out and professed that she was falling in love with him, all in front of her dad mind you, and blahblahblah. Oh lordy. The best part of the whole thing was that Bret wanted to show the families what he does so he showed them Poison concert footage FROM ST. LOUIS! Yeah! Not really. They were all sitting there watching and Destiney starts doing this super-sexy (in her mind anyway) dance for EVERYONE, including her own parents, who seemed VERY proud of her skills. It was really awkward because everyone else was totally ignoring her and she just kept bumping and grinding her little heart out. Aww..
Back at the house, the families went home and the girls prepared for the elimination. They were all talking and Ambre confronted Destiney about her feelings for Bret and whether she was in love or not. Destiney was all "I barely know him so no, I'm not in love but I want to see where this goes," which I gotta give her props for because that's the truth. Ambre and Daisy were like "WE LOVE HIM SO MUCH," which after hearing Destiney say that made them look kind of desperate. At the elimination, Bret asked Daisy if there was anything she wanted to tell him and she proceeded to throw Destiney under a VERY fast moving bus. She told him that she wasn't in love with him and that she and Ambre were, and Bret, being the supreme dumbass that he is, was all, wait a second you don't love me after three weeks? WHASSAGOIN'ON? He ends up dumping her ass and kept false-lovers Daisy and Ambre. Whatever. They're going to Cancun next week for the big finale because nothing says love like tequila shooters and thongs.

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