Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
You are on a journey. It will take you from here to September. Along the way, it will bring you much drama and much magic. It begins pretty much now with the decision that you are in the process of making. Inwardly, you already know what must be right. Trust what you feel and try not to be distracted by the various doubts and uncertainties which keep bubbling up in your mind. Most are cropping up to confuse you, not to enlighten you. Give them one quick chance to prove their validity and if they can't, dismiss them.
Um yeah, aren't these stupid things supposed to HELP you, not confuse you so you don't know what to do? Inwardly, I don't know what's right so why can't you just tell me. BLIMEY! Just so you don't think I'm totally crackers, I don't ACTUALLY live my life by this stuff but I'll be damned if it isn't SPOOKILY ACCURATE, which is what they say on their website. Truth in advertising, people.
* This was from a quote from one of the contestants on Project Runway last night. It was freaking hilarious when he said it because he's super fabulously gay and said it about his model, who was in charge of buying his fabric. Imagine it being said with a combination of fabulousness and disdain. It has nothing to do with anything and it's probably a misquote anyway but there it is.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Then I woke up.
Then I fell back asleep and had a dream I was in a park and I was trying to get to my car. I had to run through these trees with all these low-hanging dead branches that kept scratching me and getting caught in my hair. When I got to my car, the driver's window was open and I was on the other side and two guys came up and took my purse and some other bag out of the front seat. I tried to get it back from them but they just laughed at me. I told one of the guys I was going to stab him in the nuts and he just rolled his eyes and threw it back at me.
Then I woke up again. Alarm. Hit snooze.
Fell back asleep again and this time I was in my childhood bedroom. I was terrified for some reason but no one was in the room with me but all of a sudden a pillow would appear like someone was trying to smother me. I would dodge it but no one was there holding it. Then I looked out the doorway and a big ugly cabinet thing went flying down the hallway and I was like "OH MY GOD, there's a ghost in here!"
Then I woke up.
I have the most messed up dreams and the worst part is that I REMEMBER THEM like I'm watching a movie. My brain is so weird. I can't remember math or birthdays but I remember hanging with the Fresh Prince trying to buy a Coke with amusement park tokens. Whatever.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
And lest you think that little Keebler elves come out and make these cakes for me, I've also decided to show the cake in it's various states of development. Here it is after carving but pre-iced:
Here it is with the under coat of strawberry buttercream, which I thought was mucho delicioso:
Right now we are really focused on recipe development. We've found a few recipes we really like, but each one comes with its own issues. For instance, this particular cake tastes great (my opinion, of course) but it's very dense, which since most people are accustomed to the spongy crap they get from the Betty Crocker box, isn't always as well liked. I love dense cakes so I'm trying to fiddle with this recipe to make it taste good and be just slightly lighter without making it too light to do anything fun with.
Anyway, I hope to hear some feedback (please let it be good) later today so I'll update the carnage as it comes.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Shortly after a plane takes off, there comes a scary moment. The ground is failing away, but the sky is not near enough. There's no turning back, but there's no proof yet that you're airborne. We find you now in a similarly tense frame of mind. You hope you're doing the right thing, you know you have passed a point of no return, but you still await a sign of success. Soon you will get all the reassurance and inspiration you need and deserve. Meanwhile, keep trusting and moving.
Okay, now that's better.
Okay kiddies, I'm off to Chicago with LM, Mike & Brian to see George Michael. I'm super excited since I've been waiting to see him since 1988. Please don't bring me down or leave me hanging on like a yo-yo. Not that any of you will miss me since no one reads or comments anymore. "sniff" That's okay, I know you're busy. I'll post all about our adventure when we get back.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Different Trips to the Same Place
Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place. You've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.
So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait, and wait, and wait.
Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like "Relax, You'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair."
After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."
"By Boat!" you say, "Going by boat will take a very long time and costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." SO you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than by air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.
It's a long trip, many months over rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth two or three more times, marveling about each trip. Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage and you find yourself comparing stories with others who have traveled by sea rather than by air.
People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "oh be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible, traveling by sea is so easy." You will always wonder what would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know you are blessed with a special appreciation of Australia and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there but rather in the place itself.
So there it is. Infertility sucks and adopting a kid is the hardest thing I've ever gone through and this whole traveling to Australia bit helps me handle the ride.
"Some plans come to fruition. Others don't. We can take a simplistic view and decide to celebrate when there's a clear connection between intention and accomplishment, and to feel miserable when there is not. But if we were truly wise and blessed with the ability to see life from a more cosmic perspective, we might not be so sure of this. Often our greatest gifts stem directly from moments of sudden chaos. Here comes something crazy. It will yet turn out to make perfect sense.
What the hell does this mean horoscope man?? So if I accomplish something, I shouldn't really be all happy that I didn't suck but when the shit hits the fan, I should be wise enough to think something good will come of it and not freak out?? I'm confused. My whole freaking life is chaos so where are my presents. Oh and the whole "here comes something crazy" part?! Jesus dude, I'm already super-paranoid and now I have this?! Really? REALLY?!
Thanks a lot.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
This is also the first cake I've done in a long while that wasn't covered in fondant and let's just say it's probably going to be my last for a while. You see, a 90 degree July afternoon and a cake covered in buttercream actually made with BUTTER and not sick-ass Crisco are not exactly a match made in heaven and while fondant isn't immune to melting or anything, it's just WAY more stable and doesn't shift and plop around as much. The car ride went okay, I held it while Jeff drove but like I said, it's WARM out and I was anxious to get it inside and into the AC. We made it to Sara's house in one piece and she seemed really happy with the outcome so I felt big sigh of relief. That relief was short lived because as we stood in her kitchen, which was a bit warm, I noticed the cake began to bulge out a bit and I was soon in crisis mode because the warm temp was softening all the icing and it was starting to sink. I don't like to refrigerate fondant because it can get sticky and gooey and I had made some fondant decorations, but we were at a crisis level orange and I didn't want the cake to collapse so in to the fridge it went. I told her to keep an eye on it and I am crossing every finger and toe that it holds up okay. I read a LOT about the difficulty that cake decorators face regarding warm weather but so far this was my first experience with it and now I know what they mean. NOT FUN. The cake was tiered and it was pretty good sized, so I also had my first experience in doweling a cake, which was easier than I thought so do but still nerve wracking in delivery. The only thing making me feel better is remembering the Food Network cake challenge we watched last night (is that all they show anymore?) and watching veteran professional cake decorators with a bajillion years experience having their cakes fall apart or melt like mine did. One dude was left with only a head. BUT, I had to start somewhere right, and while it probably won't be remembered as my finest hour, it was my first professional cake and I did my best. I'll update any carnage or **fingers crossed** happiness that will undoubtedly come later today.
Sara just called and HALLE-frickin-LUJAH! Well, sorta. Apparently there was an issue on the ride over and the bottom layer shifted a bit in transport but Sara was able to make the save and it seemed that it all worked out. She said they all liked the cake and she got many questions as to where she got it (yay!), in fact, I got a pseudo-wedding cake order for THIS SATURDAY out of the deal, which I'm going to squeeze in between work and the George Michael concert in Chicago on Wednesday. This cake will be Texas-themed so get out yer spurs pardner! Thanks Sara!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Whatever. Bottom line is that I don't have any answers but I know I have to make some sort of decision very soon otherwise someone will make it for me and then I'll be all pissypants and that's not good for anyone. Jeff will attest.
On another note, Jeff and I did fun things with my friend Gwen over the weekend so if you head to her blog at www.everythingilikecausescancer.blogspot.com, you can read all about our Sunday together. I would recap it here but she already did with pictures and I'm just that lazy.