Monday, July 7, 2008

Going to Australia

So I have an adoption update. Well, not really any kind of update but we are scheduled to go to the immigration office on Wednesday to get our future child's immigration forms started. It's a preliminary thing that really doesn't mean much other than when we get our referral, the wait will be shorter to get him processed. And by shorter, I mean it's still a bloody long wait. You know, this whole adoption process and struggle to have a family is such a weird experience and while I appreciate the support and encouragement that I have gotten from everyone, it's still a very isolating and lonely experience to go through and no one REALLY understands how it feels unless you've done it yourself. That being said, when we were in parent class, there was an anonymous essay in our book that really hit me like a ton of bricks and I think it helps to express my pissy mood as of late regarding the excruciating wait we have endured to have a baby, adopted or otherwise. I have friends that are pregnant that will have their children and be moms and dads for a while before we even get a referral, not to mention all of the friends that have already been prego and had babies who are freaking walking by now. Anyway, this process has been going on forever and I'm starting to crack. So in honor of my piss mood, here's the essay:

Different Trips to the Same Place

Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it's a wonderful place. You've read many guidebooks and feel certain you're ready to go. Everyone you know has traveled there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you can look forward to being pampered on the trip.

So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems there is no seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait, and wait, and wait.

Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like "Relax, You'll get on a flight soon." Other people actually get on a plane and then cancel their trip, to which you cry, "It's not fair."

After a long time the ticket agent tells you, "I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat."

"By Boat!" you say, "Going by boat will take a very long time and costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane." SO you go home and think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than by air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.

It's a long trip, many months over rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth two or three more times, marveling about each trip. Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage and you find yourself comparing stories with others who have traveled by sea rather than by air.

People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like but you are able to travel only once, perhaps twice. Some say things like, "oh be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible, traveling by sea is so easy." You will always wonder what would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know you are blessed with a special appreciation of Australia and the beauty of Australia is not in the way you get there but rather in the place itself.

So there it is. Infertility sucks and adopting a kid is the hardest thing I've ever gone through and this whole traveling to Australia bit helps me handle the ride.


johnny_VIRUS said...

With you and Jeff's dedication, I feel that things will happen faster than others in the same situation. Signing papers, huh? Exciting!

amy & jeff said...

Thanks Johnny V....hope all is well with you

Gwen said...

I'm so glad you shared this story, it's a great metaphor for your situation. Hang in there, honey, you'll be in Australia before you know it.

jan the mom said...

You have come this far so continue going full steam ahead as best as you can. Patience is a virtue and I know it will all be worth while. We are all as anxious as you are so we are hanging with you. I can't wait to be Nonni.

Marilyn said...

This is great info to know.