Quit bugging me.

Jeff and I went to the baseball game last night with LM and KD. We had a great time despite an annoying semi-rain that persisted through most of the night. It wasn't really getting us wet, it was more like sitting in a mister for 3 hours. My hair did not thank me and is angry and in a ponytail today. Anyway, we got home kinda late and I was tired and we were trying to get the dogs situated so we could go to bed and while I was standing in the kitchen, I heard an awful noise above my head. Let me preface by saying that we have a GIGANTIC light fixture in our kitchen. Jeff got it from work and it looks like a flying saucer is trying to touch down and we can light the neighborhood with it. Well, this light fixture is like a giant beacon to all bugs of the world to come on in,which is not cool because I am not bug-friendly. AT ALL. Well, this noise was loud and sounded like one of those static balls, all ZZZZZZTTT and unfortunately I knew exactly what it was. I ran out of the kitchen yelling to Jeff, "CICADA!!! CICADA IN THE LIGHT..GET IT!!!" I looked at the bowl of the light (from a safe distance) and could actually see the freaking thing because it was the size of a sparrow. It was trying to fly out, presumably so it could fly out and directly into my hair, and kept buzzing and bouncing around the fixture. I have a long standing hatred of the cicada. When I lived in my apartment, there was one in the hall and when I stumbled home one night (or morning. Don't judge), it totally attacked me as I struggled to get my door open. Another time I was lying in bed in said apartment and felt something on my leg and could make it out by the light of the TV, which of course forced me to jump up hysterically so it flew into my closet so I spent an agonizing 45 minuted trying to get it out because it kept buzzing around and those little assholes are LOUD. In our present home, I have been trapped in the screened in porch by one that would not remove itself from the door handle and I was forced to call Liz and have her call Jeff inside the house to ask him to come out and rescue me because he was deaf to my cries for help. As you can tell, I'm not so much the outdoorsy type.
Back to last night. Jeff agreed it was a freakishly large bug and he decided that he was going to let it die in in the light and he would get it out later. Super. Well guess what? It didn't die in the light fixture. I went to the kitchen to make coffee and of course I had forgotten all about it UNTIL I was accosted by the awful buzzing, which made me jump outta my pants and run to the bedroom. The best part was that Jeff was gone already so I ether had to avoid the kitchen (not an option) or arm myself in case it escaped. It managed to crawl to the rim of the fixture and when it tried to fly off (straight for my hair) it just tumbled back down into the bowl, where it proceeded to fly around inside the bowl frantically for the next few minutes, which totally freaked me out and made me late because I had to force myself to be brave and go into the kitchen to get my lunch but I kept running out when it would make noise. I have a horrible fear that I'm going to get home it's either going to be waiting for me to pounce on or else I'll see it's remnants after the dog eats it. Yeah, she'll probably eat it and that's totally gross but I will secretly be happy that it's dead.