Thursday, September 11, 2008
Keep it in your pants, sir.
We live in a very "colorful" neighborhood, which some days is nice and other days not so much. We have some really great neighbors that we are friends with and some that I would like to see hauled away RIGHT NOW. Well, this morning, as I sat waiting at a stoplight, I noticed one my more unsavory neighbors standing around the bus stop. We'll call him Brokeass neighbor. My first thought was, why is he at the bus stop because he accosts us to mow our lawns for five bucks to buy beer so certainly he has no bus fare. Then I noticed he was watching something down in the Walgreens parking lot, not waiting for the bus. As I moved up in traffic, I saw what he saw. There were two cop cars in the parking lot, both of them with their respective cop out of the car and walking toward someone. This "someone" appeared to be one of the skeevy people that frequent the front lawn white trash parties that Brokeass throws pretty much every night. They have a backyard but why use it when you can spread your glory in the front for the world to enjoy, right? Anyway, as I'm watching the cops approach this guy, he starts taking off his clothes and piling them up on one of the posts that hold up the Walgreens sign. I am not kidding. This was some authentic "Cops"-style shit going down. He was quickly down to his boxer shorts so I rolled down my window to get the audio and can hear the cops telling him to stop taking his clothes off and to calm down. The dude is now flailing his arms around and yelling to the cars "DO YOU SEE THIS?" "I AIN'T GOT NOTHING ON ME!" Of course not, silly, you've taken all your clothes off. At this point he is walking around in circles and the cops are approaching him very carefully like he's made of fire and then he starts to pull down the waistband of his underwear far enough to show the world his hair farm, and I'm like "Jesus, it is too goddamn early for me to have to witness this man's penis." I can hear the cops telling him that he's going to be arrested if he pulls them down anymore and they start to close in on him so he pulls them down just a bit more, like a child would to test you, and then starts to take off down the street yelling "THEY GOT NOTHING ON ME. I'M NOT EVEN NAKED YET!" By this point traffic had moved enough that I finally had to pull away from the scene but I could see him still walking down the street yelling at the cars. Ahhhh....city livin'.