Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Complaint Box

Since we got the news about little Kimchi, we've kinda been on cloud nine but now that the dust is settling, I've found it necessary to open the old complaint box. As always, if you leave you own, which I hope you do, make sure no one gets their feelings hurt. Today's complaint is for a special someone I've got my eye on.

Dear ex-con neighbor,

Stop begging to cut our lawn for $5 because you need to go to the 7-11 to get your 40oz. My lawn is the size of a stamp and I can cut it in about 10 minutes, which if you do the math, works out to $30/hr. Also, stop harassing the other normal neighbors with the same query. We saw you accost and then DEMAND that the new guy across the street let you cut his even though he was literally in the middle of cutting it himself. You ran all the way over, leaving the constant redneck front yard party you always seem to be hosting up to their own devices, and took the mower out of his hand. I do not care for this. Also, stop going into other people's backyard to "borrow" stuff when they aren't home. We all talk and we know what you do when we're at work. Yeah, work. It's this new thing that people do instead of sitting in their front yard all day. I know you've tried it once or twice but just think, if you stick with it, maybe one day you can move out of your mom's house since you're almost 40.

Stay classy,

P.S. -Please put a shirt on.


LM said...

That's funny stuff. Especially since I have the visual from first-hand experience. I don't want to fill up your complaint box, so I'll suffice it to say that I'm right there with ya.

Gwen said...

No complaints here so I'm stuffing the box with letters to your neighbor for you.

Allie said...

Wow. That's something worthy of complaining about! What a freak!