A Hole In One

So, I had my tests on Friday. Liz was so kind as to go with me because I was a scaredy cat and Jeff couldn't get the whole day off to go so he met us halfway through. The first test was an echosomethingorother with bubbles (I'll explain) and the second was an MRA, which is an MRI but looks at your arteries instead of the I at the end of MRI. I'll try not to get too technical here. Anyway, the echo was basically an ultrasound of my heart with those little heart doodads attached to your chest. Liz got to come in the room with me and when we got there, the lady doing the test, Jerri, asked me how we were related and we both froze because we were afraid she'd have to leave if she wasn't family so I was about to say she was my lover (just kidding, honey!) but then she said it didn't matter, she was just curious. Anyway, Jerri kept cracking us up because she was apparently unfamiliar with the machine she was using and felt it necessary to express this about every 5 seconds and then laugh about it. We think she didn't want us to think she didn't know what she was doing because she kept searching for buttons. She was a hoot! I love how they're all up in your business about privacy and yet there I was in a darkened room getting my ticker looked at, boobs all out and these other nurses would just walk in. "LINENS!" "Don't worry, it's just me!" WTF? I'm no sideshow, ladies. Jerri did all kinds of crap with the ultrasound and then another woman came in to put my IV in so they could do the bubble test.

The bubble test, as they explained, was then they take a syringe of stuff and shake it up to make bubbles and then they push it through the IV. The bubbles are supposed to show them things and in my case, they were looking to make sure there wasn't a leak between the chambers of my heart. So the other lady, we'll call her Brenda because she looked like a Brenda, got me all hooked up and between her and Jerri had us laughing like a room full of hens and then she was like "we're going to push the bubbles!" I watched the screen and saw all these little dots go swooshing into my heart and Jerri and Brenda were like "There they go!" so Liz and I exchanged a smile that everything was okay. I asked Jerri "so everything's good?" and she and Brenda were like "oh no honey, there's a hole between the chambers. Those bubbles weren't supposed to do that." WHAT THE HELL?! We got so caught up in the bubbles like a couple of magpies that I didn't realize they showed bad shit. Ugh. I kinda freaked out and Liz knew it and started asking questions to make me feel better (thanks, Lizzy). They gave us a brief rundown and said that it could have allowed for a clot to pass through and get sent to my brain to cause the stroke. They said that the doctor will explain it in detail and tell me what course of action they'll want to take. It can be as simple as an aspirin a day or as major as surgery. SUPER.

After this hoopla, we were taken to a different department to get the MRA. They make you remove any metal and I have my nose pierced but I'm always too paranoid to leave the ring out in case it closes so I told Liz that I had brought a plastic tag from a shirt to stick in it. You know, the kind they hang the price tag from? When I pulled it out and explained to Liz what I was going to do and after she got off the floor from laughing so hard, she popped it in for me. That's friendship, people. So there I was with no bra and two hospital gowns on and a plastic price tag holder hanging out of the side of my nose being taken off to have my brains scanned. The MRA sucked and gave me a massive headache that lasted until late last night and thank god I wasn't claustrophobic because that was like a living tomb. It's also ridiculously loud and the two sets of earplugs didn't do much to help. Jeff had gotten there by this time and was waiting when I came out. He and Liz had been googling the hole in the heart thing to pass the time so they know more about it than I do. After that they sent me on my way and the three of us went and got some lunch. I was kind of wigged out, not only because they had just told me I have an effing HOLE IN MY HEART, but I had taken a Benadryl to try and combat my allergies and it made me reeeeally looooopy. They told me the doctor will call me Monday with all the results and to figure out how to proceed. So that's that. At least they have an idea of what's going on. I hope the brain scan was okay because I was hoping this heart business was all I needed to worry about right now. Stay tuned.......