Head Wound Harry

So, today was interesting. This morning, things were going as normal. Max was playing around in his room, chasing the dog and talking on his cell phone. I had my laptop on his dresser answering emails when all of a sudden I heard a thud. I looked down to see he had tripped right into the wooden rocking chair frame, face first of course. I swooped down and was all "are you okay buddy?" and he looked up at me WITH A RIVER OF BLOOD POURING FROM HIS FACE. I grabbed him, screamed a slew of expletives and ran to the bathroom. I grabbed a washcloth from the bathtub and held it to his face to apply direct pressure, as I learned from 10 years of watching "E.R.", but the washcloth was too wet and now I had blood and bloody bathwater running down his face and me. When I pulled the washcloth away to wring it out, this HUGE GEYSER OF BLOOD came shooting out of his face. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. It was like in the movies when they hit an artery and blood squirts out like someone took their finger out of the dam. This was coming from the space between his eyes and was FREAKING ME OUT. There was blood everywhere because he was crying and thrashing around and I was trying to hold him and keep the washcloth on his head faucet but I was also freaking out and crying so I kept dropping the washcloth and it would spray all over like a blood sprinkler. It was on the floor, the walls, the dog, me, him. The bathroom looked like the set of "CSI." This is what his pajama shirt now looks like:



I tried to call Jeff but I got his voicemail and I didn't know what else to do and I know calling 911 is an option, but it wasn't life-threatening and I could tell at this point that it was just a nasty cut and not an exploded eyeball, so I called my neighbor. She ran over and very calmly got the situation under control. She held the cloth on his eye while I ran around frantically getting dressed and explaining the events to Jeff as he drove home to meet me. By the time he walked in, Patty had gotten the blood flow slowed down enough to put on some band-aids, which sadly for Max were the pink Hello Kitty variety, so we headed to the hospital. When we pulled up to the doors, he had totally stopped crying and was pointing to all the ambulances yelling "RUCK!" and occasionally he would say "ow" but that was about it. We checked in and after waiting about 20 minutes, during which time he played with crayons, a race car game and ran around yelling "hi" to everyone else, I thought maybe I had overreacted. He seemed fine and Hello Kitty seemed to be doing it's job so I went to the desk and said "he seems okay now, maybe he doesn't need to see a doctor." The guy took off Hello Kitty and I watched red ooze down his nose. He put another band aid on and told me to go sit down. About 20 minutes later we were in the room and 10 minutes after that, he was glued back together and we were headed home. They opted not to do stitches because of scarring and used some dermabond stuff that smelled like feet. He wasn't thrilled with the process and I had to hold him down on the stretcher while they did it. That was the only other time he really cried. He is one tough mutha.
Clearly, is has not diminished his rugged good looks.