Road trip part deux, the sequel.

Pisces 1/19/09

Sometimes, you can race round like a maniac for days and get next to nothing done. Sometimes, you can sit very still and appear to be going nowhere, only to realise, when you finally stop, that you have moved a mountain. You are now in a position to enjoy the latter, far preferable experience. Don't feel that you need to plough a great deal of energy and effort into any situation. All that's needed is some calm, careful, clever thought and concentration. Apply that and soon, success will be yours.

Hmm...this is interesting. Does this mean I can now move thing telekinetically because that's totally kick-ass if so. Wait, let me try. No, it didn't work. My pen is still on the other table. When I was about 12, there was a book I loved called "The Girl With The Silver Eyes" and it was about a girl who's mom was exposed to thalidomide during pregnancy and it gave the girl telekinetic powers. I used to read it over and over and hope that somehow I would also obtain such powers through READING (hear that kids, READING IS COOL!) but sadly Jan did not take scary untested fertility drugs in the 70s so I have no power to move things with my mind. Moving on (with my mind!)...

So we finally went to get Jeff''s car this weekend. Here are a couple of atrocious pictures:

I really have no business taking pictures of anything. Anyway, it's pretty cool and the inside is equally nice and it's FAST so I'm going to have to get some Dramamine to be able to ride in it. Car sickness is no joke, people. The previous owner took VERY good care of it and it shows as there isn't a scratch on the thing. The only problem is that it has summer tires and we live in the Midwest so the drive home was slightly treacherous for him until we were almost to Bloomington. Apparently, they turn into solid rocks in the cold and they have zero traction in any kind of snow. Fabulous. We were only at the dealer for about 20 minutes since he did the deal beforehand, which left me more time at Ikea. YES! I didn't go crazy or anything, in fact we were there a record 40 minutes. Last time we were there for about 2+ hours and I thought that was short. Things would be SO much easier if they just built a goddamn Ikea HERE. DO YOU HEAR ME IKEA OVERLORDS?

Anyway, that's that and the car's cool and he is happy so that's what's important. I would like to send out a big OH YEAH to LM in regards to the Cardinals advancing to the Superbowl yesterday. Now I hate sports so I couldn't give a crap, but she is a die-hard fan and has stuck by them through thick and thin, well more like thin and thin but whatever, she is a SUPERFAN and I am so glad she gets this experience. GO CARDINALS!!!!

There isn't enough Pantene in the world to get rid of the smell

So, let me give you a little taste of how awesome and glamorous my life is today. I've been up since 1:30am, I haven't had a shower since 5am Tuesday morning, my hair is caked with dried puke because Max has been projectile vomiting all morning, mostly on me, my carpet is also covered in puke and I'm almost out of Spot Shot, I have a pile of laundry roughly the size of a Volkswagen and I am down to my last pair of puke or snot-free pants and I am desperately trying to get work done but he has decided that it's more fun to sit in his playpen and scream his lungs out because he didn't get enough of that in the middle of the night.

Hey, don't be jealous. I can't help it that I'm this awesome. Chill.

Get down with the sickness

So, yesterday I got a phone call from day care. It was day two in the joint, and he'd only been there for about 4 hours and had managed to projectile vomit YET AGAIN all over the day care workers. I was in a meeting and my phone was ringing, apparently the ringer volume was on JET ENGINE level since it could be heard all over the office (note to self, turn down ringer), and I just had some kind of spidey/mom sense kick in that made me think it was them so as soon as I could, I ran back to my desk as sure enough, the number was flashing as a missed call. When I called back, the girl was very nice but I could tell in her voice that things were not well. She said he was fussy all morning and then when she laid him down for his nap, he went down in the crib and just looked up at her. That is not normal. We usually have to bribe him or put him to sleep before even looking at the crib. At first she was like "what a good boy!' but then realized he was just lying there like a piece of spaghetti. She picked him up and was met with a mouthful. Okay fine. She cleaned that up and put him back down and BLAAAAAH, more came up all over the crib. She picked him up again, cleaned him and the crib up and decided to rock him. That was a bad plan. After a few minutes, he turned to look at her and threw up so much and so forcefully, she said it was IN HER BRA. That's when she called me.

The doctor said he probably has the same virus he had before BUT WAIT, there's more. He also has a nasty respiratory infection so not only are we on gooey-poo alert, but he is also expelling MASSIVE amounts of snot. It's like a nose faucet. You grab it with a kleenex and try to wipe but more keeps coming, like it's attached to his brain and the more you pull, the more comes out and the best part is that he HATES having his nose wiped so I'm trying to pull this snot string out of his nose while he's thrashing his head around and screaming. Most of it has ended up on my shirt, his face and possibly the dog, not so much in the kleenex. He's also coughing, usually right about when he's 2.5 inches from my face so I've had many a fluid sprayed at me. I need a silkwood shower.

Anyway, as long as he stays gooey-poo free for the rest of the day (PLEASE LET THIS HAPPEN), he can go back to day care tomorrow where he'll probably bring something poopier and snottier home to me. FANTASTIC!

UPDATE: As I'm sure you're as interested in the pooping habits of my son as I am, you should know that BINGO, we have gooey-poo. Not only that but it is BRIGHT GREEN. This is hopefully from the "grape" food coloring in his pedialite and not due to him being an alien and no one told me. So, no day care tomorrow. Fabulous. This week just keeps getting better.

Complications

Pisces 1/13/09
What difference can you make? How can you change the world? What decision can you come to? What influence can you bring to bear? What power can you wield? Don't imagine that you are hopeless or helpless. In one key area of life, you are now exceptionally well placed to perform a minor miracle. You have got good connections and you have more support than you realise. Use it wisely, but don't feel that somehow, you must stand by and watch passively while something occurs that is beyond your control.

I can't explain in words how much I want this to be true. I just can't even explain.

The best laid plans............

So, things don't generally go as planned for us. See, Jeff's been threatening to buy a new car for about 3 years now and he finally found one he liked that was a good deal and had all the gadgets and shiny stuff that he wanted. The problem was that it's at a dealership in a suburb of Chicago. Okay, we can deal, we'll take a little road trip and get the car. So he spent hours on the phone last week with the guy wheeling and dealing (not really, we are not good at haggling or bargaining or any of that crap) and got the deal done, put down a deposit and then BAM, Bob's your uncle. The plan was to leave Saturday morning, drive to the dealership, get the car, swing through Ikea (I have an ADDICTION to inexpensive Swedish furnishings. Don't judge), eat some Portillo's beef and then crash at the hotel for the night. Jeff had to work early in the morning on Saturday so I got up and spent a few hours frantically getting me and the kid ready, which meant packing every conceivable thing he would need which was EVERYTHING and by 9am, we were ready. Jeff got home, we packed the car, headed to my sister's to drop off the dogs and then off we went. Well, sorta. We got a call from my mom just as we got on the road telling us that they were getting a BLIZZARD in Chicago. Now, with my mom this could mean 2 inches or 3 feet (Jan, you know it's true) so I checked the weather channel in my trusty iPhone (yeah, I said iPhone. It's totally effing cool, too) and they told me that they were expecting an inch or so. Hmm.. someone is LYING.

We parked and pondered what to do and finally called my sister for weather confirmation since she is a weather guru. She got online and confirmed that they WERE indeed getting some stupid ass blizzard and that they already had 5 inches on the ground from Friday night and were expecting 5+ more that afternoon. CRAP. We were also going to be driving right into the storm like a bad movie. SUPER. We hung up and sat in silence for a minute before declaring the trip cancelled and then the subject switched to eating delicious White Castles to soothe our disappointment. We called the dealer and they are holding the car until NEXT Saturday, when we try this again. This time grandma Jan and Aunt Laura are going to get their first taste of babysitting so we can get this bitch done in one day. For 14 hours. Lord help them.

Anyone else bothered by the Charmin commercial featuring the cartoon bear with toilet paper bits stuck to it's arse? Anyways....

Yeah, that title has nothing to do with anything other than my annoyance that the bear has toilet paper bits stuck to it's ass in full view. It happens, but please keep that shit private. In other news...

So I haven't posted a horoscope lately since it's been BABY CENTRAL here so it's high time I did. Here's what it says today:

Pisces, 1/7/09
With each passing day the new year brings you more to think about. More information arrives. More understanding emerges. You have to think differently about the past now that you recognise what it has led to. You will think differently again as the events of the coming weeks and months unfold. Jump to no conclusions. Remain open-minded. Just be genuinely relaxed and confident about the factors and forces that have led you to where you are now. These are your friends, not your enemies. There's a Solar eclipse on due on 26th January. Be ready for this life changing astrological alignment.

I can't really divulge much detail, but suffice it say, this horoscope is EERILY ACCURATE. As usual. Things in my life have been topsy-turvy for the last month or so and amidst all the chaos, I have made many revelations. One of those is that I miss sleep. Seriously. I miss it like I miss my youth. I have been told that I have to break up with sleep for the next 18 YEARS or so which sucks on astronomical levels. Max does not miss it because he never loved it the way I loved it so the fact that he is up most of the night flipping sleep the bird does not bother him. He is a stinker! Anyway, the rest of my revelations are actually important so it's none of your beezwax right now. You'll find out in good time.

On another note, today is day two of The Great Daycare Experiment of 2009. Yes, he's in daycare and IT SUCKS. I hate it. Before he came I was all "oh pish posh, I'm a working girl like Melanie Griffith and I have no desire to sit at home and talk gibberish to a drooling baby all the live long day" but DAMN, that's not happening. I miss his little screaming butt and it broke my cold, black heart to leave him but unfortunately, it has to happen. He was okay yesterday but it was only an hour. Today he wasn't so thrilled to see me go and the look on his face was like the way a dog looks at you when you are perusing them at the pound. Sad eyes, turn the other way. Today was just a 3 hour tour minus the coconut radio but tomorrow is the full meal deal. Gulp. Hold me.

Happy New Year 5 Days Late

So we had an interesting start to 2009. Instead of nursing a hangover and bemoaning the ridiculous amount of food I was able to consume in one evening like I did last year, this year we spent it in the ER. Max got some kind of viral infection in his intestines and became severely dehydrated VERY FAST so off we went. It started with PROJECTILE VOMITING, yes I'm totally serious, and soon made it's way down below in the form of EXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA. In the last 3 weeks, we've had a crash course in parenting involving every sleeping issue you can imagine, several illnesses, attachment and bonding, food issues, etc. I'm now expecting him to learn to speak and ask me where babies come from or what's that thing between my legs just to round things out. The trip to the hospital was the scariest because he went from okay to not okay in about 30 minutes flat. I had no idea that poop could do so much damage. He had to get an IV, as you can see below, and after that went in, he made a turn for the better. He's still having issues and we're probably headed to the doctor AGAIN today so yippee for me.