LOST RECAP: Season Premiere Edition

So, tonight is the season premier of Lost and I'm as excited as a kid on Christmas eve. I've been waiting patiently for this day since May 13, 2009 and I almost can't wait the last 9.5 hours. LM is coming over to watch with me since Jeff doesn't really care and I need someone who cares so that we can gasp out loud together. We have strict Lost watching rules like no talking and no phone calls (I'm looking at you, Jan) and Jeff is also in charge of Max from 7pm until bedtime. This is mommy's night and she will cut anyone who ruins it.

That all being said, let's go back for a short recap, shall we?

-In the present day, after Richard led them into the foot tomb, Zombie John Locke convinced Ben to stab Jacob in the gut and then kicked him into the fire pit. While this was shocking to no one who knows what foreshadowing is, it was somewhat shocking for Jacob to be so mean to Ben ("What about you?") since he seemed to know what was going on. We also learned that Zombie John Locke was of course not ZJL but The Man In Black, whoever that is. Evil? The devil? Johnny Cash?

-Speaking of Richard, he was out on the beach with the others this whole time and was soon joined by Ilana and her crew, who are carrying a large, body sized crate. What's inside? Well, it's dead John Locke, of course. Richard is cornfused. He also finally answers the riddle "what lies in the shadow of the statue?" He says it is "he who will save us all." Who is "he?" Zombie Locke? Crate Locke? Jacob? Ben?

- Back in the groovy 70s, Sayid has been shot and is dying but tells Jack that they have to blow up the magnetic thingy to reset time and then none of this will have happened and they'll all be back in LAX, oblivious to the existence of each other. They get the H-bomb that had been conveniently left for them in the 60s and Sayid manages to MacGuyver it to work. Sawyer doesn't like this plan and wants to keep things as they are and tells Jack all this with his fist. Jack says "KISSMYASS" and they try to make the plan happen anyway. Meanwhile, Chang realizes they hit the magnetic pocket and all shit breaks loose and the magnet starts sucking everything into the hole. While this is all happening, there's a shoot-out with the Losties and the Dharma people. Miraculously, no Losties are shot because they're THAT GOOD. Jack drops the bomb (cue Gap Band) into the hole and they all wait for the bang with scrunched up faces but nothing happens. The bombs a dud.

-Juliette's pulled into the well and she's super pissed that the bomb didn't go off. Through the miracle of teevee, she managed to get violently dragged into a well filled with lots of sharp metal things, fall all the way to the bottom and LIVE. This does not please Juliette since she wants a new life now so she takes out her anger on the poor bomb by banging on it with some kind of well rock and then....

bang? Boom? Pow? Reset???? WHAT HAPPENS? I'm sure I left a bunch out but go re-watch yourself then. All I know is that I'll be having some sort of freak out at 10pm CST tonight and I'll recap all the glory tomorrow.

Namaste.

OMGIMSOEXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!