Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Step off, checker.

Gardeners don't just plant seeds and then sit back and watch while their crops come to glorious fruition. They have to make sure that weeds don't become established and that pests don't threaten their tender shoots. Some crops are particularly difficult to tend. Soil pollution can be unhealthy. Without enough water or sunshine no growth will occur. You feel rather as if you have undertaken a project that may never succeed. You are daunted and disappointed by the amount of effort that seems to be necessary. But if you keep trying, you won't fail.

Hmm...I hope they are referring to my cake dreams. DON'T FAIL, ME.

So, I wanted to relay a story that happened to me yesterday. I had to do a little grocery shopping yesterday afternoon and on my second stop, I bought a bottle of wine. I do this often. We are wine drinkers and much like the French, we drink wine with dinner most nights. Unlike the French, I buy cheap wine that most people would be embarrassed to even take to the cashier. I have no shame so I don't give a shit what they think. Anyway, I was checking out with little Kimchi and as I walked down to the little credit card machine, the cashier kind of curtly requested my ID for the wine. It's not uncommon for someone to ID me because I am about 5 feet tall and for some bizarre reason, people associate shortness with youth and people rarely know my real age. I also had no makeup on, sweat pants and my hair was in a ponytail, which added to my "youthful glow." After the lady scanned all my stuff, she picked up my license, put on her reading glasses and proceeded to give me a once over like I was 19 and trying to get into a club with my sister's ID, not that I would know what that's like. She did this for a minute and then this exchange happened:

checker - "what's your birth date?"
me - "HUH? Um, March 1, 1974."
checker - hmmmm.....
me - looking perplexed; just gimme me my Arbor Mist, beyotch
checker - "Is this your full name? Why do you have so many names?"
me - "Really? REALLY? Yes, those are ALL my names. My maiden and married name are both on there." ANYTHING ELSE NOSY BITCH? (I didn't really say that last part because I have manners unlike this woman who thought I was pulling one over on her.)
checker - scans me again and hands me the ID back; "well, okay I guess. Have a nice day."

Now, I know I look young sometimes but this was ridiculous. I had a baby with me for chrissakes! Granted, the child looks nothing like me so I guess I could have been the nanny trying to add my own terrible wine on to my rich boss's grocery order but again, I DON'T LOOK THAT YOUNG. I called Jeff when I got to the car and told him and he was like "NICE!" and I was like "no, not nice. I hate that shit." Every person I know thinks it would be kick ass to get carded all the time but trust me, it's annoying beyond belief. I am a grown ass woman and garnering respect when you are a shorty is hard. RESPECT ME WORLD AND GIVE ME MY ARBOR MIST.

And it was delicious.


LM said...

Believe it or not, I still get a rare carding at the grocery, and I also get carded at the baseball game a handful of times a year, which is my favorite of all cardings. It's ALWAYS done by a lovely black female who's working at a beer trough. Rarely a male. I know black don't crack, but white does crack and I always wonder why they have literally zero clue that I'm almost 40. Or at least why they don't see I'm clearly over 21. Anyway, my favorite is when they see my age on my i.d. and then give me a big, "Giiiiiirrrrrrlll, you're lookin' good!". Love that. I actually remember those by name who have done that.

Did you really buy Arbor Mist? I'm gonna assume that was in there for effect.

Amy, Jeff and Kimchi said...

No, I really did buy Arbor Mist. I am quite fond of the both blackberry merlot and the sangria zinfandel. It's a step up from box wine but it's almost at Boone's Farm level.