Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Natural Wonders

So, over the weekend we decided to do something fun as a family and that something ended up being a hike. Yes, I said hike. As in outdoors with nature, two of my least favorite things. Jeff and his dad went on a hike Saturday morning while I stayed home to clean (yay for mom's free time, right?!) and they both had a good time and it was a really, really nice day so I went along with it for Sunday. Well, let me back up. Jeff and I had a night out alone on Saturday, which was WAAAAAAY overdue. I was immensely excited for this as being a stay at home mom is not the easiest thing for me right now. Anyway, as we were getting ready, nature made it's way into our lives in the form of two disgusting ticks that were living on Jeff's back. Now, I don't do bugs. Snakes, mice I'm fine with but not bugs, not ever. Except ladybugs but that's another story. Anyway, as we were getting ready and waiting for grandma to come and babysit, I noticed them and screamed "YOU HAVE GROSS TICKS ON YOU." His reaction was to back up and rub himself on me which was not funny. He wanted them off so I had to put aside my fears and get the tweezers. According to the internet, the best way to remove them is to grab by the skin and pull up until they release their grip, which also ensures you won't squash them, thus releasing all their nasty bacteria into the person they're sucking on. The plan was to get them to release and then I would put them in a ziploc bag in case he got Lyme disease or some shit. That was the plan.

He laid on the floor while I went at them. Ticks are sick. I had to grab it and pull and hold and it would move and I'd lose my grip and have to start over and this went on for about 10 minutes and I hated every second of it, especially when the stupid thing finally let go and RAN ACROSS HIS ASS and I had to get it with the tweezers Mr. Miyagi style and then it was flailing it's legs all over and being disgusting and I screamed until I got it in the bag. The second wasn't as easy and it clung on for dear life until I finally got it off. I'm not entirely sure I got all of that one out but whatever. We finished getting dressed and headed out to dinner. It was around glass of wine #3 that I agreed to go hiking the next day. This was also how I ended up with my first tattoo but I digress. Anyway, the next morning Jeff was all "It's beautiful out! Can't wait to go hiking!" My initial reaction was "oh crap" and then "it's too hot" but then he actually went outside and said that no, it wasn't, it was about 72 degrees. Hmm. I had no other excuse so off we went.

When we arrived, I knew I was screwed when he got out to get a trail map and the car was immediately filled with mosquitoes. They were huge and swarming. We drove to the trail and parked and when we got out we were again attacked by them. We sprayed bug spray and made our way into the woods but after about 5 minutes and eleventy billion mosquitoes biting and flying around, I WAS DONE. You couldn't even open your mouth they were so bad. Max was COVERED with them and they bit his eyes and ears so we ran back to the car and left. We drove to another hiking area about 10 minutes away, which was mosquito free, and found a nice shady area. I was determined not to be a pill about it so I hiked. It was a pretty day and I eventually enjoyed myself for a little while so I might go again. If this were Hawaii, I'd be all over this nature shit but its not and I need to take baby steps so DEAL.

This is also another reason why drinking can get you in trouble.


LM said...

Beware those ticks. I hate to remind you of my non-outdoorsy sister's TWO tick-born diseases acquired on a two day hike while on vacation. I'm just sayin'....be aware. That aside, it was a funny story. I love hiking- perhaps you should direct Jeff my way when you are not in the mood.

Kait said...

Drinking = how I ended up married to The Dave. So, you know, not all drunk choices are bad choices.

I really want to like hiking. It seems like something I would like. And then I remember that it's basically walking but hotter and with more effort required and my soul starts to cry a little so I give up. Which basically makes you a stronger person. Go you!

Connie said...

Oh Amy, your blog posts always make my day!

We love hiking with the kids. Especially when we spend have the time YELLING at the kids "Shut up and stop shouting! We are out in NATURE for crissakes!"

Amy, Jeff and Kimchi said...

LM- Of course I thought of your sister as soon as I saw them. That's why I wanted to save the little effers FOR SCIENCE. The bite spots are really red and gross right now so my fears may have been warranted. If they don't clear up soon, I'm making him go to the doctor.

Kait - That's what I hate about hiking. It's just walking but with more bugs and hills and stuff. I prefer to take my hikes through Target or something. One time we drove 5 hours to some state park in Illinois for a "romantic rustic weekend" and I hiked for hours in the cold. Jeff said he was impressed by the fact that I made it back to the cabin in record time but it was really just because I wanted the nightmare of nature to end.

Connie - You are an inspiration. I'm trying to become more "hikey and campy" (can I BE any more campy?!) because apparently I married Grizzly Adams. I think I also agreed to go to the Grand Canyon or Yellowstone or something. WTF?? I had a lot of wine.